1、托福,作文批改篇一：托福写作批改点评 第 4 期-关于教育的话题_托福写作智课网 TOEFL 备考资料托福写作批改点评 第 4 期 :关于教育的话题_托福写作 Topic（题目）:Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Students could receive a better, more efficient education if they spend 11 months a year studying.Target text（文章正文） :Do you agree or disagree with the foll
2、owing statement? Students could receive a better, more efficient education if they spend 11 months a year studying.I disagree with the statement that students can obtain a better and more efficient education if they are provided with less vacation and more time concentrating on school work. Some peo
3、ple may argue that more leisure time means more escape from the academic work, and students wil lforget what they learnt in school, however, I think that with more breaks,students can benefit more from the vacation rather than on campus studying.The summer and winter vacation, each lasting one month
4、, can provide students opportunities to relax themselves, and to relieve themselves from mountainous assignments in school. With the breaks,they can enjoy learning things in a more informal but impressive way. For example, they will have enough time to travel to another country and get to know diffe
5、rent cultures and customs. The abroad experience can help to expand the outlook of students and it is in fact another way of learning things, and such personal experience is definitely more efficient and more impressive than learning indirectly from teachers and books.Besides, students can become mo
6、re independent and social given the traveling experience, and all these qualities are important in their future lifes but can be hardly cultivated in the academic education. Some people may argue that efficient academic education may be negatively influenced because of the two-month school break, ho
7、wever, social and extracurricular activities are equally necessary to students, so it would be a good chance for them to step out of their campus, the so called ivory tower , and get involved into the real society. In some way, they can learn more and benefit a lot in the real world.In addition, whe
8、n it comes to the academic education, more vacation does not mean a less efficient education, either. As we all know, schools usually implement the summer and winter vacation policy, which is commonly during the hottest and coldest seasons. Students will get exhausted and distracted easily because o
9、f the bad temperature, letalone the more and more frequently occurred natural disasters during summer and winter such as the tornados,floods, storms, etc. I can easily recall several flood disasters in my city during my summer breaks. During those moments,would not it be rather safer and more reason
10、able to stay at home? Anyway, the quality of education is based on a safe and comfortable learning environment.In conclusion, I believe that students can enjoy different but same valuable experience during school breaks, and the longer break during the bad seasons can also ensure their safety in sev
11、ere natural environment.Feedback and Review（点评及修改）优点：总的来说，这篇文章的整体语言及论证内容还是不错的。缺点及改进建议：1、尝试用反面观点来进行论证。2、写文章前先制定写作大纲。3、写作是需要注意使用的论证方式，写好之后要回看修改。4、注意论据和论点之间的关系要紧密。5、论证方式要多样化。6、注意论据要多用细节。看是否有更多的论据来支撑观点。篇二：托福独立写作文章批改点评智课网 TOEFL 备考资料托福独立写作文章批改点评摘要： 中国考生从小写作文就会批改，但是那是中文写作，对于托福英文写作我们该怎么办呢，今天小编就总结整理托福独立写作文章批
12、改点评的相关知识，大家可以一起来看下。托福 写作备考时多看看别的考生写的真题作文是非常有帮助的，能够为自己查漏补缺，今天我们就邀请到了 小马 托福写作 名师为大家现场批改一篇托福作文，希望对大家有所帮助。今天我们来看一篇完整作文中的微观语言和逻辑问题。以这篇作文为例。作文的写作者是一个国际高中高三的学生，语法属于中等水平，词汇量也并不算大。老师的完整点评如下：With the economy growing, people have more choices about the types of transportation(more choices on what types of tran
13、sportation they can take). Therefore,in my opinion, the public transprotation should be giben prefereutialfinancing.with the support of the significant finacing, the taking the piblic transportation will become more convinece than the highways. With the support of the significant finacing, the publi
14、c transportation will be making the citilizen more confortable than the highways. With the support of the significant finacing, the public transportation will become more faster than the highway.首段写的挺好，但是略显啰嗦。建议1. With the support of the significant finacing 出现一次就可以了，后面直接罗列三个理由。2. 所有符号都是后面打一个空格，前面直接
15、跟在最后一个词的后面。3. 文章首段建议不要出现像 therefore 这样的词。因为容易引起逻辑的混乱。With the help of the money,(这样说不好。With a sufficient fund,) the (construction of)public transportation will spend less time than the highway. From my exprience, taking a subway from my office to my home will cost my about 30 minutes. However, i dri
16、ve my car taking the highway which go through the downtown will cost me about 1 hour. Sometimes i have to faced with the bad traffic when i have to choice the highway. Nevertheless, taking the subway that i do not need to worry about the bad traffic or some other problem happened in the highway. Tha
17、ts (that is the reason why)why i think devote the finacing into the public transportation.这个中间段虽然有具体的例子，但是在例子前面没有任何逻辑的展开及阐述。这是不够好的。逻辑的缺失会使你的阐述变得很弱，并且会让你的结论变得突兀。这都是使你的分数变低。一个良好的中间段应该是逻辑的展开+个例。两者的比例要调控得当，避免出因为次数过多而写不完的情况。并且在每个中间段后面都应该给出一个站得住脚的结论，通常复制首句即可。Nowadays, people like citilizen (不如说 most citiz
18、ens 好)want to have some confortable servise during thetransportation. For that reason, gaverments should put (invest) more money into the public transportation than thehighway department. (加个 on the other hand 更好)In order to make a better transportation envirement to the people, the number of the bu
19、ses should be increasd, more subway line should be established and more confortable seatsshould be setted. If the money is put in the highway department, it will waste the money and the citilizen will complain about it.这段的问题除了语言的缺失之外，缺少了一个更加具体的事例。一个事例必须具备具体人和具体事两方面才可以。个例的缺失也使这段在字数上有所缺失。一个完整中间段的形式因该如
20、下：中间段结构五层;主题句重复理由拓展句根据三个无知原则个例谁在哪做什么，最好出现对比数例编造数据，突出个例不是特例结尾句推论+结论两种细节：主题皆是形和例子主导形;主题解释形? 在主题句点出分论点的基础上，再对分论点做出两到三句话的拓展，引申，或解释。? 无知原则 三个无知? 假想情况 imagine that? 主题部分就变成了主题+ 拓展? 然后在主题部分之后写一个简短的例子。相关推荐:托福写作如何才能快速构思托福写作碰到不会的单词如何表达三招解决托福写作时间不够的难题相关字搜索： 托福写作资料篇三：托福写作批改：综合+独立TPO19高分作文推荐托福写作批改：综合+独立TPO19高分作文
21、推荐写作批改前：Question: Summarize the points made in the lecture, being sure to explain howthey challenge the specific points made in the reading passage.Apparently, the speaker disputes the notion illustrated in the readingmaterial. According to the passage, there are three considerable factors aboutharm
22、ful effects of buzzing. However, none of them regard in the eye of thelistening material.Initially, the author contends that with buzzing all information thatconsumers hear is incorrect. Actually, the speaker does not agree at all, byasserting that not all the individuals are paid to tell lies. Of c
23、ourse, theyget money, but what they say is true, which means that they have already usedthe products and have felt fascinating so they make the recommendation. Whatsmore, he takes his own experience as an example.Equally, the author claims that the consumers accept all the words fromprivate individu
24、als rather than keep suspicious, which is refuted by thespeaker. As a matter of fact, the speaker demonstrates that consumers definitelyask something. And people will consider to buy the products only if they getanswers of their question.Finally, the writer believes that buzzing is likely to harm th
25、e trustfulrelationship among people. From the speakers perspective, it is extremelystupid, because they praise the products only after finding it fabulous. In thisway, buzzing is helpful to the expectation of honesty.Question:Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?In order to be well-
26、informed, a person must get information from manydifferent news sources.Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.Nowadays, we have definitely enter the totally new age of information due tothe development of advanced technology. Keeping pace with the whole worldappears to be of far m
27、ore remarkable importance in the contemporary society thanbefore. For years and years, the issue is always being discussed that whether itis necessary to get information from different news sources. Whereas certainindividuals contend that merely finding the most appropriate way is absolutelyenough t
28、o be well-informed, others assert that it is a wiser choice to seize allthe means. Actually, I would like to claim that it is our opportunity andobligation to figure out the truth from all kinds of news sources. Severalreasons are cited in support of my recommendation.Initially, usually it is almost
29、 impossible to be good at covering all thescale of news as one kind of source alone. For instance, perhaps local radiostation could have access to the latest the government policy in this regionwhile it is a better experience to watch TV news to recognize what happen allover the world. I would rathe
30、r search numerous ways than stick to one sourcealone.Equally, we might be misleading if just concentrating on one news source.These days, people hold more novel ideas and when discussing about one topic,there will even be two opposite views. In order to understand the world we livebetter, more sourc
31、es are needed, in fact.Finally, thinking about efficient ways, we tend to choose get informationfrom many different new sources. Through knowing the whole things deeply, we areenlightened to make the right decision and avoid mistakes. Maybe Internetwebsites bring us the news that is considered somew
32、hat unconvincing, we are ableto prove whether it is true by reading newspaper.To sum up, provided that sometimes it is a tough task to choose one perfectmethod and use it during entire time, we had better achieve our goals indifferent way. Believe it or not, even the same scene will be viewed asextr
33、emely different pictures. Realizing all these stuff, searching informationfrom variable sources is quite favorable.点课台名师批改后：Question: Summarize the points made in the lecture, being sure to explain howthey challenge the specific points made in the reading passage.Apparently, the speaker disputes the
34、 notion illustrated in the readingmaterial. According to the passage, there are three considerable factors aboutharmful effects of buzzing. However, none of them regard in the eye of thelistening material.Initially, the author contends that with buzzing all information thatconsumers hear is incorrec
35、t. Actually, the speaker does not agree at all, byasserting that not all the individuals are paid to tell lies. Of course, theyget money, but what they say is true, which means that they have already usedthe products and have felt fascinating 【fascinated 】so they make therecommendation. Whats more,
36、he takes his own experience as an example.Equally, the author claims that the consumers accept all the words fromprivate individuals rather than keep suspicious, which is refuted by thespeaker. As a matter of fact, the speaker demonstrates that consumers definitelyask something. And people will cons
37、ider to buy the products only if they getanswers of their question【to their questions，注意搭配answer to，key to】.Finally, the writer believes that buzzing is likely to harm the trustfulrelationship among people. From the speakers perspective, it is extremelystupid, because they praise the products only a
38、fter finding it fabulous. In thisway, buzzing is helpful to the expectation of honesty.1、 信息点很完整也很准确，非常不错!2、 对 the reading passage 与 the lecture 的内容进行了很好的 paraphrase，非常符合综合写作的要求!3、 语法词汇也是很好!Integrated TaskLevel :Good5.030Level: GOOD (4.05.0)ADVICE FOR IMPROVEMENT OF INTERGRATED TASKContinue to impro
39、ve your ability to relate and convey information from two or more sources. For example, practice analyzing reading passages in English.Read two articles or chapters on the same topic or issue, write a summary of each, and then explain the ways they are similar and the ways they are different.Practic
40、e combining listening and reading by searching for readings related to talks and lectures with teacher or a friend.Question:Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?In order to be well-informed, a person must get information from manydifferent news sources.Use specific reasons and examp
41、les to support your answer.Nowadays, we have definitely enter 【entered】the totally new age ofinformation due to the development of advanced technology. Keeping pace with thewhole world appears to be of far more remarkable importance in the contemporarysociety than before. For years and years, the is
42、sue is always being 【has alwaysbeen being 现在完?a href=“http:/ target=“_blank” class=“keylink”山惺薄縟 iscussed that whether it is necessary to get information fromdifferent news sources. Whereas certain individuals contend that merely findingthe most appropriate way is absolutely enough to be well-informed, others assert
