1、Episode 101 - Cartman Gets An Anal ProbeCast Kyle Broflovski (boy wearing green duck cap)Kenny McKormick (boy in orange parka)Eric Cartman (the fat one)Stan Marsh (boy wearing blue beanie)IkeChefMs. CrabtreeCarlOfficer BarbradyMr. GarrisonMr. HatPipTrain ConductorWendy TestaburgerMs. CartmanNews Rep
2、orterSpecial appearances by several cows and AliensAt the bus stop Boys: School day, school day, teachers golden ru?/i Kyle: Ah, damn it! My little brothers trying to follow me to school, again. Ike: Zeeponanner Kyle: Ike, you cant come to school with me. Ike chortles Cartman: Yeah, go home you litt
3、le dildo. Kyle: Dude, dont call my brother a dildo! Stan: Whats a dildo?! Kyle: Well, I dont know?faces Cartman and points at him and Ill bet Cartman doesnt know either! Cartman: I know what it means! Kyle: Well, what? Cartman: Im not telling you. Stan: Whats a dildo Kenny? Kenny: (Its a giant stick
4、 that goes inside the moms vagina) the others laugh Cartman: Heyeah, thats what Kyles little brother is all right! Kyle swings Ike by his feet, knocking Cartman down Ow! Ike laughs Stan: Dude! That kicks ass! Kyle: Yeah, check this one out. Ready, Ike? Kick the baby! Ike: Dont kick the baby. Kyle: K
5、ick the baby. he kicks Ike, and Ike mows down four mailboxes. Cartman yawns. Stan: Whoa, Cartman, looks like you didnt get much sleep last night. Cartman: Thats cause I was having these?bogus nightmares. Kyle: Really? What about? Cartman: Well, I dreamt that I was lying in my bed?the dream sequence
6、begins in the dark. When all of a sudden this bright blue light filled the room through his window, one can see a spaceship land and its light stream in. Then slowly my bedroom door begin to open an alien peeks inside and the next thing I remember I was being drug through a hallway. “Weeaak!“ Then I
7、 was lying on a table face down, and aliens lower his pajamas and these scary hands wanted to operate on me. And they had big heads and big black eyes? Stan: Dude! Visitors! Kyle: Totally! Cartman: What? Stan: That wasnt a dream Cartman, those were visitors! Cartman: No, it was just a dream, my mom
8、said so. Stan: Visitors are real. Kyle: Yeah, they abduct people and they mutilate cows. Cartman: Oh, shut up guys! Youre just trying to make me scared. And its not working. Chef: drives up and gets out of the car Hello there, children. Boys: Hey, Chef. Stan: Whats gonna be for lunch today, Chef? Ch
9、ef: Well, today its Salisbury steak with buttered noodles and a choice of green bean casserole?or vegetable medley. Cartman: Kick ass. Chef: Say, did any of you children see the alien space ship last night? Cartman: What? Kyle: Yeah, fat boy saw it! Cartman: Eh, no, that, that was just a dream?and I
10、m not fat, Im big boned! Chef: Oh, was it the ones with the big long heads and the black eyes? Cartman: Oh! Stan: They took him on their ship. Chef: Oh! Did they give you an anal probe? Cartman: Oh! Kyle: Whats an anal probe? Chef: Thats when they put a big metal hooba-jube up yo butt. Kyle: Whoa! T
11、hey gave you an anal probe Cartman? Cartman: No! Uh-I mean, eh, why would they do that? Stan: Dude, they did, huh? Aliens stuck stuff up your ass! Cartman: No! Ike: Eneh probe Cartman: Shut up dildo! Chef: Well, I gotta get to the cafeteria. You children watch that fat boy now. He could be under ali
12、en control. Chef walks back to his car, there is a picture of an alien on his shirt. Chef drives off. BELIEVE Cartman: Oh! Kyle: We told you they were real Cartman. Sorry to hear about your ass. Cartman: God damn it, they didnt do anything to my ass. It was just a dream. They start to file onto the
13、bus. Kyle: Why are you walkin so funny Cartman? Cartman: Shut up! Ike: waddles by. Oh foonuh bebe. Kyle: No, Ike, go home. Ike: Eeeeee! Kyle: This is it. This ones for the game. Ike: Purplor. Kyle: Kick the baby! He kicks Ike, who flies through the first window of the school bus and crashes out thro
14、ugh the other side. On The Bus _SOUTH PARK ELEMENTARY R-1 Stan: Good morning, Miss Crabtree. Ms. Crabtree: Sit down! Were runnin late! The bus pulls away, leaving Ike behind at the bus stop. Kyle is kneeling on the seat looking back at him. Kyle: Damn it, hes still there. Stan: Oh, dont worry about
15、him. Kyle: No, dude, if something happens to him, my parents are gonna blame me. Ms. Crabtree: SIDDOWN BACK THERE! AAAAAAAAAAA! Stan: Yeah, whatever, ya fat bitch! Ms. Crabtree: What did you say? Stan: I said I have a bad itch. Ms. Crabtree: Oh. Kyle: gasps Oh, my God! two aliens are holding Ike bet
16、ween them Stan: turning to see Visitors! Kenny: (Oh nooo!) Kyle: Ike! runs to the front of the bus Stop the bus! Miss Crabtree, you have to stop this bus! Ms. Crabtree: Do you want an office referral? Kyle: No. Ms. Crabtree: Then sit down! Kyle: But I? Ms. Crabtree: Aaaah! Kyle: Aaaah! Kyle, Ms. Cra
17、btree: Aaaah! Kyle runs back to his seat. Ms. Crabtree has the last word Stan: Cartman, are those the same visitors you saw? Cartman: Shut up you guys its not working. Kyle: We have to do something! Stan: Well, we cant do anything for now, that fat bitch wont let us. Ms. Crabtree: What did you say?
18、Stan: Uh, I said that rabbits eat lettuce. Ms. Crabtree: Oh. Well, yes, they certainly do. she makes a hard right, flinging kids onto the left side of the bus. Kyle: What am I going to do? My little brothers been abducted by aliens. Stan farts You farted. They laugh Cartman: Somebodys baking brownie
19、s. Behind the bus, a space craft rises into the sky, then zoomz away CATTLE RANCH Farmers grazing fields with a mutilated cow Farmer: This is the third cow this month. At this rate all of my cattle are gonna die before the winters through. The cows moo questioningly Officer Barbrady: This is nothing
20、 out of the unusual. Cows turn themselves inside out all the time. The cows shake their heads Farmer: Peoples been saying theyve been seeing UFOs around. Officer Barbrady: UFOs? laughs Farmer: Yeah, and black army CIA helicopters and trucks. Officer Barbrady: That is the silliest thing Ive ever hear
21、d. Helicopters fly by above him Farmer: What was that? Officer Barbrady: That, that was a pigeon. Farmer: What am I supposed to do, Barbrady? Just stand here and watch my cattle get mutilated one by one? the cows notice something and raise their heads. One alien waves a piece of hay; another one whi
22、stles. The cows start running away from them. Hey! My cattle! “Cattle Ranch“ sign falls down. You see, there is somethin funny goin on! Officer Barbrady: Theres nothing funny going on. Ill get those cows back. SOUTH PARK ELEMENTARY Mr. Garrisons class Mr. Garrison: And now children, our friend, Mr.
23、Hat, is going to tell us about Christopher Columbus. Mr. Hat: Thats right, Mr. Garrison. Christopher Columbus discovered America and was the Indians best friend. He helped the Indians win their war against Fredrick Douglass and and a freed the Hebrews from Napoleon and discovered France. And then in
24、 1492 ? Kyle: whispering Oh, man. I cant just sit here, I have to help my stupid brother, or Ill come home without him and my dad will start yelling, “Wheres your brother, Kyle?“ “You werent looking out for your little brother, Kyle?“- Stan: whispering Okay, okay, lets ditch school and go find him.
25、Kyle: voice rising to an audible level -“You know he cant think on his own, Kyle!“ “Brush and floss, Kyle!“ “Where has that finger been, Kyle?“ Stan: Dude! Mr. Garrison: Is there a problem, boys? Kyle: Yes, Mr. Garrison, I have to go now. Mr. Garrison: Oh, really, Kyle? What is it this time? Another
26、 prostate tumor? Kyle: No, my little brothers been abducted by aliens. silence Its true! Ask Cartman, they gave him an anal probe. Cartman: enbarrassed Heh, heh, thats a, thats, thats a little joke. Heh, heh. Kyle: walks up to Mr. Garrisons desk Mr. Garrison, seriously, I have to go. Can I please be
27、 excused from class? Mr. Garrison: I dont know, Kyle. Did you ask Mr. Hat? Kyle: I dont want to ask Mr. Hat, Im asking you! Mr. Garrison: Oh I think you should ask Mr. Hat. Kyle: Mr. Hat, may I please be excused from class? Mr. Hat: Well, Kyle. No! You hear me?! You go to hell! You go to hell and yo
28、u die! Mr. Garrison: Hmm, guess youll have to take your seat, Kyle. Kyle: Damn it! Cartman: Hah, hah. Mr. Hat yelled at you. farts fire. Poor Pip is stunned Ow! My ass! The class gasps Kyle: Dude. Stan: Damn, Cartman. Cartman: farts fire Uh?Ow! My ass! Kyle: Dude, hes farting fire. Stan: Its the ali
29、en anal probe. Its shooting fire from Cartmans rectum. Cartman: No, that was just a dream. Mr. Garrison: Eric, do you need to sit in the corner until your flaming gas is under control? Cartman: No, Mr. Garrison, Im fine. Cartman farts fire again, setting Pip aflame. Pip runs around the room on fire.
30、 NEXT TRAIN TO DENVER DEPARTS 12:30 LINE FORMS HERE Train station. Cows flock in from all around and stand in line, waiting to board the train out of town South Park ExpressConductor: Hey, you cows cant get on this train! This is a people train. You cows have no business on a people train, all right
31、? Cause youre cows. The cows are all staring at the conductor No, no, no. Dont try any of that cow hypnosis on me, all right? Cause its not gonna work. Officer Barbrady: drives by with his lights flashing Hold it right there, cows! Cows split up and run off mooing Come back here! Now then! pursues t
32、hem Cafeteria THE FOUR FOOD GROUPS OUT HOT FOOD INSCHOOL FOODISGOOD FOODKid 1: So then I had ? Kid 2: Ya, seriously, killer. Cartman: farts fire Oh! Dude, I sure am hungry. Stan: How can you eat when youre farting fire? Cartman: Shut up, dude, youre being totally immature. Kyle: Hey, look, theres We
33、ndy Testaburger. Stan: gasps Where? He finds himself looking right at her. An epiphany plays while hearts dance around Stans head. Stan smiles, and it soon goes from ear to ear Cartman: Stan wants to ki-iss Wendy Testabur-ger. Stan: Shut up, fat ass! I dont even like her! Cartman: Im not fat?and you
34、 obviously like her because you throw up every time she talks to you. Stan: I do not. Wendy: Hi, guys. Kyle, Cartman: Hi, Wendy. Wendy: Here, Stan. This is for you. hands Stan a note Stan: Bluuch! Wendy: Eww! leaves Kyle, Cartman: their eyes follow her out Bye, Wendy. Kyle: Dude, what does the note
35、say? Stan: glances at it Holy crap! It says she wants to meet me at Starks Pond after school. a look of wonder comes over his face Kyle: Whoa! Maybe you can kiss her. Cartman: Or slip her the tongue. Kenny: (or look at the cat on her feet, then touch her) Stan: that got his attention What? How do yo
36、u know she has a cat? Silence, Kenny waits to see if the other guys got the message, then laughs. The rest follow, realizing what Kenny meant Kyle: Come on you guys, we need to figure out how to get out of school so we can get my little brother back. The cafeteria kitchen. A cook stands behind a foo
37、d counter, ready to serve up cafeteria food. The boys enter Chef: Hello there, children. Boys: Hey, Chef. Chef: How are you doing? Kyle: Bad. Chef: Why bad? Kyle: Chef, have you ever had something happen to you, but nobody believed you? Chef: Oh, children, children, thats a problem weve all had to f
38、ace at some time or another. Here, let me sing you a little song. It might clear things up. Im gonna make love to ya womangonna lay ya down by the fireAnd caress your womanly bodymake ya moan and perspireGonna- Stan: Uh, Chef. Chef: -get those juices flowin- Stan: Chef. Chef: -were makin love gravy-
39、 Stan: Chef! Chef: -love gravy, lovelovelovelovelove GRAVIH! Stan: Chef! Chef: Love luh- huh? Silence. Kenny nods towards Kyle Do you feel better? Kyle: No! Chef: Oh, come on children, what could be so bad? Its Salisbury steak day. Stan: Visitors took Kyles baby brother. Chef: What?! tosses a food t
40、ray aside and runs to the other side of the counter What the hell do you think youre doing in school eatin Salisbury steak?! Go find him, damn it! Kyle: Mr. Garrison wont let us out of school. He thinks were making it up. Cartman: You are making it up. farts fire. The anal probe pops out, moves arou
41、nd and puts its metal arms on its hip, looking annoyed at being exposed Stan: Whoa! The probe goes back into Cartmans ass. Cartman: What? Kyle: That was cool! Chef: Its uh some kind of symbiotic, metamorphosis device. Cartman turns about so Chef can check out the probe This could mean the visitors w
42、ant to communicate with us. Cartman: turning to face Chef, testily Oh, I see. Now youre going to join in on the little joke huh? Chef: Its no joke, children, this is big! Kyle: Please, Chef, if I dont get out of school and get my little brother back from the aliens, my parents are gonna disown me. C
43、hef: Uuh, hold on now, hold on now. To himself Uhyouyouyou gotta help the children. Cartman: Oh, you guys sure are going a long ways to try and scare me. I want my Salisbury steak! Chef: pulling on the fire drill Fire drill! Fire drill! Everybody out! to the boys Okay children, this is your chance!
44、Stan: Killer! Thanks, Chef. Chef: Mahahahahan oh man, first contact with the alien visitors. Ive got to get myself ready. The boys neighborhood Boys: We got out of school! No more school today, we got out of school?/i Cartman: interrupting the song with a fiery fart Oh, you guys, my ass, seriously?
45、Stan: Okay, Cartman, we got out of school, you can stop farting fire now. Cartman: I would if I could you son of a bitch! Kyle: Okay, so how do we get my little brother back? Cartman: Uh. Would you stop going on about your little brother? I know it was just a dream, I know I didnt have an anal probe
46、, and I know that Im not under alien control! a radio wave strikes Cartman and he gets big blushy cheeks and starts to sing. I love to singa!About the moona and June-a and the springaI love to singaabout a sky of blue-a or a tea for two-a?p A second radio wave reverts him to normal and all is quiet.
47、 Dogs bark in the background Stan: What the hell was that? Kyle: He is under alien control. That thing in his butt is linked up to the visitors! Cartman: Ah, son of a bitch! You guys, shut up. Im not under alien control. Kyle: Into Cartmans ear. His voice echoes Hey! Cartman: Uh. Kyle: If you visito
48、rs can hear me- the voice echoes in Cartmans head Cartman: Hey. Kyle: -bring me back my little brother, God damnit! Cartman: Ow! faces Kyle That hurts, you buttlicker! Stan: notices a spaceship hovering overhead Kyle, look! Its them. Kyle: Give me back my brother! throws a rock at the spaceship. It fires back with a flash of light, hitting Kenny and knocking him into the road. Stan: Oh my God! Theyve killed Kenny! Kyle: You bastards! Come back here! Coomme baack! the spaceship leaves Damn it, we were so close! Stan: Hey look, Kenny gets up I think Kennys okay. Kenny: (Dont worry,
