1、How Family Rules Profoundly Affect Our Lives家庭的规则 ,如何深深地影响我们生活的1.Perhaps you dont think of your day-to-day activities in the home as “family rules.“ Youre more likely to think of rules in terms of what you specifically tell your children, such as, “You know its a rule that you cant jump on the furni
2、ture!“ 或许你不认为你的日常活动在家里为“家庭规则。”你就更有可能认为规则至于什么是你特别告诉你的孩子们,如:“你知道这是一个规律 ,你不能跳上乐队家具!”2.But beyond that, children also learn what is appropriate and inappropriate by simply absorbing what goes on in the family from day to day and year to year. From these rules children conclude what kind of rules they wa
3、nt for their own lives, and for their children. 但除此之外,孩子也知道什么是适当和不适当的事物可以通过简单地吸收家庭里所发生的,每年一天比一天一年的。通过这些规则结论什么样的规则孩子他们想要他们自己的生活,孩子。3.When I consider how this process worked in my own life, I could use one phrase to describe it: “In the Fabian Family Father Knows Best.“ Our parents seldom used those e
4、xact words, but all four of us children clearly understood four basic ground rules, each of which was reinforced by its own set of rules.当我考虑这个过程曾在我自己的生命里,我可以用一个词来描述它:“在费边的家庭父亲知道最好的。”我们的父母很少用那些是怎么说的,但所有四个我们孩子们明白四个基本基本规则的,每个都以增强自己的那套规则。4.Children must love and respect their parents.Dont question the
5、rules.Do things the right way, “the Fabian way.“Do your chores unless its your birthday or youre sick.Get good grades in school.孩子必须爱和尊重他们的父母。不要问规则。做事情的正确方式,”费边。“你的家务,除非它是你的生日或者你病了。取得好成绩在学校。5.These rules best illustrate my parents beliefs about children. Children could not be trusted to learn natura
6、lly without a great deal of direction and criticism. They needed parents to teach them right and wrong. So we learned the “correct“ way to do any task, which I think of as “the Fabian way,“ and were not encouraged to discover alternative methods on our own.这些规则最好的说明我的父母的信仰是关于儿童的。孩子们可以学习不可以信赖的自然地没有大量
7、的方向和批评。他们需要父母教他们对与错。所以我们学到的“正确”的方法来做任何工作,我认为这是“费边道,“而不是鼓励替代方法发现自己6.When we inquired why we had to do something “the Fabian way“ or why some request had to be followed, the most frequent response was, “Because I said so.“ Sometimes we would get an answer, but I was seldom satisfied. Yet absolute resp
8、ect is required when there is absolute authority, so we didnt question more than once and obediently complied with their rules. Love, I came to see, was another matter.当我们问为什么我们还要做一些“费边或为什么有些要求必须之后,最常见的反应是“因为我是这么说的。”有时我们就得到一个答案,但是我很少满意。然而绝对尊崇时需要有绝对权威,所以我们没有问题多于一次,乖乖地符合他们的规定。爱的,我是来看,是另一回事。7.Had my fa
9、ther died before I had a chance to work out the resentment I felt because of his strictness, I would not have learned to loved him as freely and deeply as he wanted to be loved. Fortunately, I had several opportunities. For example, when he and mother came to visit about 1983, I arranged to have him
10、 accompany me on a trip I needed to make in a town half an hour away. (I told mother I wanted to be alone with him and she was glad to give me that opportunity, since it was rare for them to be apart after their retirement.)让我的爸爸死在我本来有一个机会来工作,我感到不满,因为他严格,我就不会学会了爱他一样自由和深刻的,因为他想被爱。幸运的是,我有几次机会。例如,当他和母亲
11、来看关于 1983 年,我被安排去拥有他陪我去旅行我需要在城里半个小时的车程。(我告诉妈妈我想要单独与他和她高兴地给我这个机会,因为是极少退休以后的分离。8.As we drove, I asked him what effect he felt the early loss of his father had on his development of a strict style of parenting. From that beginning, we discussed many things I had never talked about with him. For example
12、, I told him how deeply I was hurt when he criticized me from the pulpit, in front of the whole congregation, when I graduated from confirmation class and had turned to the girl next to me to make a comment. He said that at the time he thought he was doing the right thing. However, when he and mothe
13、r left for Ohio at the end of that stay in California, he gave me a hug and said something I had yearned to hear from him for decades. He simply said, “If there is anything Ive done to hurt you, I am sorry.“ I will always remember that simple apology, for apology did not come easily to our father.当我
14、们开车,我问他有什么影响的损失,他感到早期他父亲在他的发展的一个严格的风格的教养。从那开始,我们讨论了很多事情,我从来没有谈到与他同在。例如,我告诉他我是多么受伤了,当他批评了我从讲道坛前、全会众、高中毕业,我确认类和变成了我隔壁的那个女孩到这里来,要评论。他说,他认为他是做正确的事。然而,当他和母亲留给俄亥俄州一到呆在加利福尼亚,他给了我一个拥抱,并说了令我接到他的渴求数十年之久。他只是简单的说,“如果有我所做过的事伤害你,我很抱歉。”我将永远记得这么简单的道歉,因为道歉并不容易为我们的祖宗。9.Also, having gone through a good deal of therapy, I learned to forgive him and accept the reality that, considering his background, he was not able to be anyone other than who he was as a father. 同时,经历了大量的治疗,我学会了宽恕他,接受这个事实,考虑到他的背景,他没能任何人,除了他是谁做父亲。
