1、作文点评,一、用词达意二、结构完整三、格式规范四、行文连贯,【优秀答卷一实录】,Dear Editor, Im writing to tell you about the discussion weve had about whether an entrance fee should be charged for parks. About 60% of my classmates thought it unsuitable to charge the entrance fee. In their opinion, parks are built for the people to have a
2、 good rest after they finish their work. If the fee is charged, then the entrance door is needed; as a result, less people will go there frequently and we should say the city is not as beautiful and comfortable as before. But against their opinion, the rest students thought that the low price was ac
3、ceptable. “We couldnt let the gardener work for us all for free!” part of them said. And a few of them even considered the problem of paying for the new plants in the future. Yours truly, Li Hua,【优秀答卷一点评】,本文覆盖了所有要点，语言丰富，文笔流畅，用词恰当、精彩，驾驭语言的能力很强,特点：1 语言丰富多样。文中的unsuitable, as a result, frequently, comfo
4、rtable, against, acceptable, for free, part of, even considered the problem of paying for.以及 in the future都是该文语言丰富的“点金”之笔。,2. 连词用得很恰当。文中的if, then ; as a result; asas before; But; And 这些连词的使用使得文章流畅、连贯。 3.复杂结构和长句用得多且地道。如：第一句中的it 代替不定式短语 to charge the entrance fee作形式宾语。第二句中的for sb to do sth结构。第三句中的If 引
5、导的条件状语从句，以及and 连接的并列句和 that 引导的宾语从句（that 已被省略）。第四句中的that 引导的宾语从句。末句中的动名词结构paying for等都用得很好，成为文章的亮点！,4直接引语“We couldnt let the gardener work for us all for free!”的应用使得文章更具活力，更传神！ 5. against their opinion用来表达对比关系，用得恰当、自然，很精彩！ 6灵活运用语言的能力强。如：文章并未直接说“会影响城市形象”，而是换了一种方式把它表达了出来: and we should say the city is
6、 not as beautiful and comfortable as before. 值得肯定。缺点：文章未分段。,语言问题: （1）冠词掌握得不好。第二句中for the people to have 和末句中的 paying for the new plants中的两个冠词the都应去掉，此处只表示泛指的概念。 （2）少数词使用不当。如：The rest students应换作the rest of the students 或者只用the rest表示。 （3）less people 不是太好。因为less的后面一般跟不可数名词，如：less meat/less beer等，此处最好
7、使用fewer people来表示。本文得分：24分。,【优秀答卷二实录】,Dear Editor, Im writing to tell you about the discussion weve had about whether an entrance fee should be charged for parks. Generally speaking, our class had two opinions. Most of them were against it. Six tenths of the students thought park was a public place
8、for people to have a rest, we had no right to charge for parks. And if we built walls and a gate for charge, it will damage the beautiful pictures. However, the others thought as follows: An entrance fee should be charged, but the price must be low. The money collected will be used for dispensing to
9、 the workers as wages, and also use them to buy some new kinds of plants. So the park will always be interesting instead of tiresome! Yours truly Li Hua,【优秀答卷二点评】,全文要点齐全，用词范围大，语言表达灵活，条理清晰，文笔流畅，有扎实的语言功底。特点： 1. 本文用了大量的高级词汇。如：Generally speaking, damage, as follows, dispensing to the workers as wages, i
10、nstead of, tiresome 等。,2用了很多的复杂结构。如：第三句中的宾语从句中含有不定式复合结构。第四句中的if 从句。第五句中的as follows 和其后的 but 连接的并列句，以及第六句中的动名词短语dispensing等。可以说：句句出彩，有水平！ 3使用了关联词generally speaking, however, as follows, so等使文章紧凑、连贯。,4.分词用得好。The money collected 中的collected用得好，用得灵活。动名词dispensing to the workers as wages的使用展现出作者深厚的语言功底和很
11、大的知识面，因为dispense 和wages根本不是中学的词汇！5.表达灵活。作者不用60%，而是用了six tenths来表达，用得活! 如果用six in ten, six out of ten也会有异曲同工之妙！,缺点： 1.文章未分段。 2.句子结构不完整。倒数第二句中的and also use them to应改为can also be used to，因为句子的主语是 The money collected，所以只能用被动语态。 3. 用词问题，如：（1）冠词：park was a public place中的park 前应有不定冠词 a （2）用词不当。如：“形象”不宜用pic
12、ture最好用appearance/image/scenery/form/figure等词。,（3） if we built walls中的built应改为build，此处不能用一般过去时态，因为后句用的是一般将来时态。（4）末句起到了归纳的作用，并有强烈动感情色彩，但用interesting 和tiresome不太贴切。 本文得分：24分。,【优秀答卷三实录】,Dear Editor, Im writing to tell you about the discussion weve had about whether an entrance fee should be charged for
13、 parks. Sixty percent of students think that an entrance fee should not be charged. They said the park is the place built for the public. People have their rights to take a rest there. If the park charged the entrance fee, many park gates and guard walls will be needed. It just destroys the beautifu
14、l scenery of the city. But the rest of the students have different view. They think an entrance fee should be charged so that the park manager can pay the gardeners and more new plants can be bought. But they said it should be low. Yours truly Li Hua,【优秀答卷三点评】,文章包含全部要点，表达准确，书写流畅、清晰，语言运用能力娴熟。特点： 1 用词
15、的范围不是很大，没有很多的高级词汇，但很地道。如: built for the public，have their rights，park gates，just destroys，scenery of the city，different view等。 2 被动语态的使用使文章增色不少，如：should not be charged, will be needed, can be bought等。 3 It just destroys 中的just和 the park manager 的使用是作者的“点石成金”之笔。展现了作者娴熟的语言运用能力。,缺点： 文章未分段。冠词的使用有问题。Sixt
16、y percent of 之后要用定冠词 the。3.围墙的英语表达法为：wall, enclosure 或enclosing wall 一般不用guard walls 。4different view最好改为：their different view 或 a different view 或 different views 。该文得分:25分。,On my six-year-old birthday,my father bought me a balloon a gift. Daddy blew up the balloon for me and I saw the balloon get
17、big and the pattern on it was clear. I liked it very much. After thanked my father for the gift, I took it out and played together with other children. When seeing my balloon, they all said it was very beautiful. Their eyes are full of admiration. I felt very proud of myself. But later, a man who is
18、 my fathers friend, walked to me and then “Bung!”. My favorite balloon was punctured by that man. I was scared by that loud noise I cried out. I was very angry even though the man said sorry. Until now, I really anger someone tease children! (A childhood experience),On my six-year-old birthday,my fa
19、ther bought me a balloon a gift. Daddy blew up the balloon for me and I saw the balloon get big and the pattern on it was clear. I liked it very much. After thanked my father for the gift, I took it out and played together with other children. When seeing my balloon, they all said it was very beauti
20、ful. Their eyes are full of admiration. I felt very proud of myself. But later, a man who is my fathers friend, walked to me and then “Bung!”. My favorite balloon was punctured by that man. I was scared by that loud noise I cried out. I was very angry even though the man said sorry. Until now, I rea
21、lly anger someone tease children!,On my sixth birthday,my father bought me a balloon as a gift. Daddy blew up the balloon for me and I saw the balloon get big and the pattern on it was clear. I liked it very much. After thanking my father for the gift, I took it out and played together with other ch
22、ildren. When seeing my balloon, they all said it was very beautiful. They are full of admiration. I felt very proud of myself. But later, a man who is my fathers friend, walked to me and then “Bung!”. My favorite balloon was punctured by that man. I was so scared by that loud noise that I cried out.
23、 I was very angry even though the man said sorry. Until now, I am really angry with someone who teases children!,(2) A Diary Today I went to the park which was not far from my school at 9 oclock to join a voluntary labor. All the students in my class went there, too. We were divided into three group
24、s. I was in group two. Students in groups one planted trees as well as watered the flowers. I was up to the students in group two to pick up the litter thrown by tourists. In addition, they would clean the chairs in the park. The students in group three had an easier job.That is, clean the equipment
25、 of childrens playground. Everybody spared no effort to work. We really did a wonderful job. 人大附中 高三（9）班 于 懋,(2) date? weather? Today I went to the park , which was not far from my school at 9 oclock to join a voluntary labor. All the students in my class went there, too. We were divided into three
26、groups. I was in group two. Students in groups one planted trees as well as watered the flowers. I was up to the students in group two to pick up the litter thrown by tourists. In addition, they would clean the chairs in the park. The students in group three had an easier job.That is, clean the equi
27、pment of childrens playground. Everybody spared no effort to work. We really did a wonderful job.,(2) 10 January, 2004 Snow Today I went to the park , which was not far from my school at 9 oclock to join in(take part in) a voluntary labor. All the students in my class went there, too. We were divide
28、d into three groups. I was in group two. Students in groups one planted trees as well as watered the flowers. I was up to the students in group two to pick up the litter thrown by tourists. In addition, they cleaned the benches in the park. The students in group three had an easier job, that is, to
29、clean the equipment of childrens playground. Everybody spared no effort to work. We really did a wonderful job.,(3) For me, dictionaries are like teachers. I often take advantage of them in many ways. First of all, I look up dictionaries for words to know their meanings and how to use them correctly
30、. That makes me remember new words easily. Besides , some dictionaries even introduce the originals of words, so I can learn more about them. I still like to read dictionaries as to read stories because they dont provide knowledge in language only , but offer lots of everyday sense as well. Above th
31、e all things, by checking out words in the dictionary, I have developed a habit to search information I need on myself. To sum up, dictionaries help me a lot that I cannot live without them.,For me, dictionaries are like teachers. I often take advantage of them in many ways. First of all, I look up
32、dictionaries for words to know their meanings and how to use them correctly. That makes me remember new words easily. Besides , some dictionaries even introduce the originals of words, so I can learn more about them. I still like to read dictionaries as to read stories because they dont provide know
33、ledge in language only , but offer lots of everyday sense as well. Above the all things, by checking out words in the dictionary, I have developed a habit to search information I need on myself. To sum up, dictionaries help me a lot that I cannot live without them.,For me, dictionaries are like teac
34、hers. I often use them in many ways. First of all, I consult dictionaries for words to know their meanings and how to use them correctly. That helps me memorize new words easily. Besides , some dictionaries even give the origins of words, so I can learn more about them. I also like to read dictionar
35、ies as if they were stories because they not only provide knowledge in language , but offer lots of common information as well. Above all things, by checking words in the dictionary, I have developed a habit of searching information I need on my own. To sum up, dictionaries are so important to me th
36、at I cannot live without them.,(4) 给报社写篇短文谈沙尘暴环境治理Dear editor, In the past my hometown used to be a beautiful place. There were tall trees and thick forests almost everywhere. And with the development of industry and agriculture, people began to burn down forests to make room for factories and farms
37、. Poor animals had to run through fire smokes to look for better world. Thus after years and years of growing a certain corns without any changes, the land became poorer and poorer. So now here you will see nothing but wasteland. And when the wind blows, the sand starts. People pace heavily against
38、the sand. What a sad sight ! Fortunately, the government has noticed the problem and was thinking of ways to deal with it. Yours sincerely, Qi Xiaoluo,(4) Dear editor, In the past my hometown used to be a beautiful place. There were tall trees and thick forests almost everywhere. And with the develo
39、pment of industry and agriculture, people began to burn down forests to make room for factories and farms. Poor animals had to run through fire smokes to look for better world. Thus after years and years of growing a certain corns without any changes, the land became poorer and poorer. So now here y
40、ou will see nothing but wasteland. And when the wind blows, the sand starts. People pace heavily against the sand. What a sad sight ! Fortunately, the government has noticed the problem and was thinking of ways to deal with it. Yours sincerely, Qi Xiaoluo,(4) Dear editor, In the past my hometown use
41、d to be a beautiful place. There were tall trees and thick forests almost everywhere. But with the development of industry and agriculture, people began to burn down forests to make room for factories and farms. Poor animals had to run through fire smokes to look for better world. Thus after years a
42、nd years of growing a certain crop without any changes, the land became poorer and poorer. So now here you will see nothing but wasteland. And when the wind blows, the sandstorm starts. People pace heavily against the sandstorm. What a sad sight ! Fortunately, the government has noticed the problem
43、and has thought of ways to deal with it. I hope all of us should realize the serious environmental problem. Whats more, everyone should plant trees and do our best to protect the environment. Yours sincerely, Qi Xiaoluo,； https:/ 卖家之家 bth31dwb 来探究。于是宝音生活便是饮药、发呆、睡觉、再饮药到底是个 ，不用像作丫头时提心吊胆、天天苦战，偶尔生个病还怕误了
44、主子的事，恨不能披着病衣就跳起来，轻伤不下火线，风光固然风光，到底是个奴才，苦是真苦，竟不如作个 说不定以后还能成个贵妇人，儿孙满堂的享福呢！不知是否因为日有所思，梦里见个少年，容颜如玉，发束销金立翅扎巾，身着团花绿锦袍，腰系钑花兽面金带，益显出那秀挺的肩背、那杨柳般的腰身来，简直在诱惑人伸手环抱上去，手里拿着笔，在批一大堆簿子。宝音在梦里欢喜，倒像是哪里见过的故人，久别重逢，对着他直笑。那少年抬起头来，看着她也笑，问：“你精神好多了。”宝音心下果然觉得自己好多了，笑道：“可不是么？”他问宝音：“你恨不恨？”宝音冷笑答道：“死过一场，一点名目都没有，如何能不恨！”少年怔怔又问：“然则你已经从丫
45、头变成 了呀？”是，作了 ，纵只是个受冷落的表 ，有的地方，怕比丫头还方便来事些呢！到底血缘身份摆在这里，韩玉笙不会利用，是她蠢，宝音可不能这样！少年叹道：“竟不知救你对不对你也自己小心些，再糊涂下去，我真不管你了。”边说边合起簿子，将合未合的时候，纸面立起来，宝音恍惚看簿上全是血，正迟疑不定。他指指自己，笑道：“如今我可不是这副装束了，你别老梦见我这样。”宝音正“哦”了一声，想着他如今是什么装束呢？似是想得起来的，他不由分说一碗药汤迎面倾来，宝音骇一跳，醒来，梦里情景全忘了，恨意仍在，想着，要报这枉死的仇，终得先查出内情真相。要查真相，还须老太太那里下手。要接近老太太，府中几位主子、少主子都
46、要笼络起来，便连手底下的丫头，皆须调教得堪使用了才好。药香中，她默默筹划，定了粗略几个步子，也不能急，且走着看。第一步，把屋中的丫头先整顿起来。宝音认起真来，是何等手腕？更何况里里外外的丫头，自买了进来，本是她和嘉颜亲自教养，集中训练过一段时间后，按其表现分上中下等，分至各处。这里的丫头，她都知道，因人施教，也未费神下重锤，只是重宣规矩，一个个便已整肃很多，院子里总算有点过日子的样子了。乐韵资质本也不差，但天性投机、又惫懒，一时仍未老实当差，看宝音声气与往常不同，也晓得厉害，不来捋虎须，只管躲着，宝音一时揪不着她岔子，且搁着，徐徐再敲打她来。第九章 故纵倾颜成一怒（1）不数日，重阳节已经到了，苏府中却还未听说宝音的死讯，照理说瞒是瞒不住的，总要给个说法。或者只是未传到韩玉笙的院子来？宝音怕明着打听引人疑心，定了一计，曲而图之，便叫乐韵来。乐韵本想溜去菊花会上顽儿的，听得 叫，老大不适意，慢慢儿,
