1、幽默笑话搞笑短信 (45)Author: 8889999 date: 2006-07-1009:034861.Cattle, said: “I want to Montreal economic development, tauren, flow sweat, cattle blood and the contribute of beef, cowhide, dedicate everything without reserve to mengniu career.“ The man who hears the report says, “what else?“ The cows said,
2、“what else?“ “And the man said,“ what about the oxen and the eggs?“4862.Jiao big to the company interview: “ask your name?“ “My name is coke.“ “Oh, your last name is coke! Who do you have sex with?“ “I have a coke with my father. whats your last name?“ “My name is wang.“ “So your fathers not last na
3、me?“ “Nonsense!“ “Never? “Never! “So. where did you come from?“4863.When “dragon tiger leopard“ was caught by ai, miss ai scolded the whole class. Focal small dont past, striking table in anger: “smelly bitch, Lao tze not to eat without you, you mean a fart! Dont call you today crawling out of the s
4、chool from now on well not“ surnamed jiao “, “name of ai“ with you!4864.The husband grabbed a handful on his wifes breast and said, “if you can make it hard, you dont have to wear a bra.“ The wife, impatient, took a shot in his crotch and said, “if you can make it hard, you dont have to wear a green
5、 hat.“4865.Human tricycles carry a miss, to local lady refused to pay, say: elder brother, we is not easy, all day out of the dance hall into the karaoke, tits touch of dilute. Dont quit the tricycle: old sister, I am also difficult, I am to walk down the street, the egg mill is shiny!4866.A school
6、has opened a lecture on HIV/AIDS and other sexually transmitted diseases. The aim is to clean up the education students. After the professor said about the dangers of AIDS, he asked, “what is the greatest danger of the male-female relationship in the future?“ Almost all the girls answered, “its preg
7、nancy.“4867.A ghost asked a prostitute to negotiate a price, ten dollars a time. The prostitute thinks: your ability is big, the number of times that go back and forth is I not rich? After the start, the color ghost will not move in the end, the prostitute asks “whats the matter with you“? The goat
8、says, “I only bring five dollars!4868.According to one study, men spend an average of two minutes on sexual intercourse and fall asleep within seven minutes. For some people, this is dangerous because most of them are on their way home during this time.4869.A doctor is often invited for injections a
9、nd doctoring. Some single women deliberately seduced him, and he was happy to do so. Over time, some single women didnt get sick and asked him for a needle. He was called “the doctor of the needle.“4870.The robber, I really only had this money, and the rest of the money was scraped away by my wife l
10、ast week. Three positive comments about girls: her looks are good; Her character is good; Her clothes are good.4871.You rest assured, this milk is absolutely fresh, not to conceal you say, this milk an hour ago still grass! Wife, I purposely put this months salary in the refrigerator, and the purpos
11、e of my doing this is to hope you understand that the money has been frozen.4872.I asked thirty men: “I don“ t know what that means? “but no one knows. Im sorry, polices uncle, is there anyone said a lost child lady like me to report?4873.People often say, “treat your neighbors like you do yourself.
12、“ do I have to force Lao wang to drink a bottle of two POTS every day? No, no, I wont fight for you. Ill give you this unreasonable man, even if I let you, you stupid donkey.4874.Lao zhao asked the call girl to be happy and paid her a hundred dollars. The girl said, “wow! Thats great! Youre going to
13、 do it again. So, once again. “You are so capable, once again! Ill pay you one hundred dollars.“ Laozhao alternative for faltering, watch that lemon helplessly say: “useless things, to pay for it is ferocious, making money is like little puss-head.“4875.On the wedding night, the groom didnt know how
14、 to do it, and hurried to ask the old man. The father said, “you can put the thing you used to play in middle school when your wife pissed off.“ After hearing the news, the groom put a football in the toilet.4876.Couples go to sleep because children cant play. He tricked the children into saying tha
15、t we were playing a game to see who couldnt get off your mothers stomach. When the child went up and the husband pushed off, the boy couldnt push him.The son looked closely and said, “no wonder I cant push you. Theres a stick.4877.The duck sees the chicken and says, “hows life?“ The chicken say: “ev
16、ery day so many people feed me, not good?“ “Is it? Im miserable. There are so many chickens for me every day.“4878.“Mrs. Chang, you and your husband like to be in the daytime? Or at night?“ “Evening? What good evening, the evening can only be the part of the dead devil husband!“4879.The young monk g
17、rew up in the temple, and the old monk told him to fetch water by the river by the mountain. I saw a few nuns in the river. In amazement, he ran back to the temple and shouted, “its not good. Some of the teachers were fighting in the river.“ The old monk asked, “how is it?“ The little monk hurriedly
18、 say: “I depend! Dozen can be miserable. Each person chest is dozen two big packets, below still be chopped a knife, chicken and chicken is gone.“4880.The old farmer, when he first came to town, sat down at a restaurant and the waiter asked him, “what do you eat? He said: I want steamed bread. “No,“
19、 the waiter said. The old farmer say: no steamed bun, I want dumplings. The attendant loudly say: old color ghost, touch not let, you still want to sleep!4881.Bar, a couple is sweet nothings, the waiter accidentally pour drinks in the girls body, female pull skirt ran into the bathroom, ran after he
20、r boyfriend also panic. A man in the next seat also brought a date. He raised his hand and said to the waiter, “we want two drinks for that woman, too.“4882.Mrs. Zhao: “you are so happy, Mrs. Lin. My death is half as good as your husbands.“ Mrs. Lin: “really? The dead thing in my house is only eight
21、 centimeters. You and your husband should envy it!“4883.Lao zi, with three disciples, was looking for Confucius in the dark forest. Confucius allowed the disciples to stay out of the door. He was a disciple of the book, but he was a master of Confucius. Confucius has red eyes, tears of tears, Trembl
22、ing, thrall to the house.4884.A county magistrate shall check work in a town. At noon to eat in the town, a local woman gave a toast to the county magistrate. Have a poem for fun. The poem says: the heart is shaking hands, I give the county a toast. Youre on me, you say a few times.4885.A gentleman
23、toasted his female boss, the female boss was very busy to say: do not drink, do not drink, the next day. Some day. Its last.4886.The little girl dance, the bottom hard, the girl ask: “comrade long comrade, what is below you?“ “The commander said,“ Im the platoon leader.“ The girl say: “your platoon
24、is very dishonest!“ The commander said: “well, I cant help it. The platoon leader and I grew up and joined the army. I cant control him now.“4887.Patient: I had a spring dream last night! Naked female, strong dance, still have a few strange land thing, anyhow is very exciting! Doctor: you came to th
25、e doctor to say this? Dont you have any symptoms? Patient: yes, but now my old man is hard and warped!4888.The upcoming Olympic Games, the mens one hundred m final, is a Chinese BiYunTao (a condom), 2 is the base Barcelona of Spain into than, three is a Japanese island club as well son, four is the
26、golden gun is South Korea, five is Japans head is red, the six is Russias broad cloth is comfortable, and seven of Mongolia and the fierce, the last line of Vietnam nguyen is useless.4889.After head for the report of spiritual civilization, for the notes of female secretary quipped: “head is: during
27、 the day not spiritual, mental civilization in the evening.“ The first man replied, “I will give you my writing in the daytime and you will be caught by me in the evening.“4890.Last night the milklin strolled, and held the double peak. Suddenly the different army stood out and felt the water panties
28、. Thanks to xiao ya, the bird has a place to live. Its just a small birds nest, and the baby bird puke.Author: 8889999 date: 2006-07-1009:054891.What a man to his wife, and a wife to buy mobile phones and also some day, ms and lovers make love, phone calls with his wife panting, ask why, wife yue on
29、 the trot. The lover force a blunt force, the woman involuntarily groans a voice, the big surprise, the wife answer the “caterpillar, good fear!“4892.Dont look at me, my brother is good. Dont look at me. Dont look at me. Dont look me fat; sex has strength; Dont look at me. Dont look me short, love c
30、an eat milk!4893.When it was dark, the six brothers fell and fell on the pigsty. Everything he drank fell out,The old pigs mouth opened and ate up. Soon the old pig fell asleep. At midnight the wine woke up to the pig and said, “my mother, your old woman fell asleep without her sweater last night.“4
31、894.Sir, why do you want to go to a prostitute? The farmer went home and told his wife to help prepare the food. The daughter-in-law did not see a figure for five or six days. Back then the daughter-in-law said, “you have made me eat the old food every day. “You know, Ive been eating it for more tha
32、n a decade.“ Hearing the words, the daughter-in-law suddenly thought of something, then nodded repeatedly.4895.Male “balls“ pain, go to the hospital, when registered where nobody, he rushed to register at room window quietly said: “the doctor let me pain!“ The doctor asked, “which department do you
33、want to see?“ “Which one on the left?“4896.A small boy and a little girl made an adult and told their parents. The father gave him an honest reward for his cookies. Dry award. When his father heard it, he went into the cupboard. Mother is strange, father say: “small child do this thing every day, de
34、pend two biscuit how to maintain body, I have to boil two eggs to give him complement.“4897.A: “children are all adults? I heard that your little girl has made a lot of money selling silver in shenzhen. You are so lucky!“ B: “well, the kids are big, and the adults. Only me that little girl, is to ea
35、rn a little money, just go too late, to early in the past few years, can sell gold!“4898.In the beginning, the tooth is like iron, raw beef is not cut, these days are not good, each meal bean curd and pig blood. Think of the original, the leg is like iron, the day line 100 is not to rest, now is not
36、 good, go out to want to connect the audi. In the beginning, the bird was like iron, eight times a day without a rest, and now it is not possible, and the two hands are in the same way.4899.Go to a restaurant to eat, after ordering dish, the attendant ask: “two place, drink what?“ The man said, “wed
37、ding night.“ The young lady turned and took the red bull and Sprite. Other customers are dazed! . Then the applause rang out and admired the young lady.4900.The village guy is hard, a little sore, call the doctor, the doctor says is just swollen. The doctor told him to sit still, for a while, and th
38、e young man thanked him. Months hard again, just by chance, in the doctors wife, to see the young man tricked him into the room a spirit, a doctor came back before he open lad said: “the doctor the last time you just give me detumescence, this time your wife let me have the strong suction out.“4901.
39、The young man went to the father-in-laws house to pick up his wife. There was a dirt slope near the village. There was no one at all. Stop the bike and KISS. Then the father-in-law came back from the field, and he was very embarrassed and said, “oh, father! “No, no, at home.“4902.One is in a small s
40、uite. In the evening the child went to sleep. In the middle of the night, the wife is awakened by the bath husbands bath and demands the intimacy. After a burst of rain and rain, my husband was panting on little fern, and all of a sudden, “mom. I brought toilet paper for you.“4903.Classmates joke, s
41、aid the boy, I often watch TV dont know what is the use sanitary napkin, got red in the face of a girl, dont know what to say, the results a boy to speak, I know, very easy, is not used to wipe your mouth?4904.There were many women in the village who were in the ring, who wanted to have a ring from
42、the ring. The director told the women at the meeting: “dont you want to take the ring?“ But that will wait for me to open my mouth, I dont open mouth you cant take down, I a mouth, your ring can take down!4905.“Old Chen, you are so careless.“ “What do you mean? “In the last couple of nights, your ho
43、me is often out of season. You should at least draw the curtains!“ “Oh! I have to go back and ask my wife. Ive been on the night shift these days!“4906.The husband is on a business trip. Check the husband came back, I found a husband monkey climb from bottom to top, the wife of the duck was left to
44、right, the husband said, “your duck how to cross the river?“ His wife asked, “your monkey is climbing up to the top of the pole. Why cant my duck cross the river?“4907.The first “little honey“ was found to have AIDS. Chief: Im finished! Old head and small head: we are finished! Old lady, Mrs., and M
45、rs. Small: were finished, too! The driver, the housekeeper, the maid, the gardener and so on: we are finished!4908.The head was diagnosed with infertility, and asked his wife what she would do. Its the old head. Why not use it,The wife described the old mans words: “the old man wants a radical revol
46、ution, never the suit of the bourgeoisie!“ The head is helpless, think: good at least also our red revolution seed.4909.Miss wang bought bread at the bakery and found that there was something like that on the bread. Boss said: “in his last a process to make bread, habitual under his arm, so the hard
47、 to avoid can have shed hair now. I like this also good! You see opposite the monopoly donuts do!4910.One day husband and wife sleep. Hear the noise on the beam. Think: thief also! The guy stuffed that guy into his wifes place. Say: the home only this treasure, cannot lose!4911.Xiao was very pleased
48、 to say, “the night I had a little girl, I dreamed that a phoenix was on a plane tree and decided to name her daughter.“ Professor huang said to him, “its very dangerous. If your mother dreams of a chicken in a banana tree, you will be a chicken!“4912.The model operas were popular during the cultura
49、l revolution. In a rehearsal of the red light, professor huang was given a stencil to copy his lines. Old yellow with strong memories didnt see the manuscript, and quickly carved out, one of the Duan Tiemei lyrics into “my familys side of the countless, no aunt came back.“4913.“Miss huang, your car forgot to lock the door.“ “Did you see my car? “Yes.“ “Are my two wheels not angry? “No, its pretty good.“ “Well, thats good. Now were going to learn a few practical applications of the theory of social classics.“ Then h