1、通过高考作文分析指导写作,书面表达的五个步骤,仔细审题（4确定）（1）体裁格式_ （2）题材内容_ （3）中心人称_ （4）主体时态_,假设你是卜曼宜,你购买了一部某外国公司生产的手机.因有质量问题,要求该公司更换.请根据下列要点,用英文写一封电子邮件. 1.问题: 手机不响铃,不能发短信;该产品已售完,无法更换;型号新,无配件,无法维修. 2.要求: 公司应尽快予以更换. 注意:1.词数为100左右;2.参考词汇: 配件(spare part),Think about?,The style: The main idea: Person: Tense:,The style: expositio
2、n The main idea: Present the problems with the phone and ask for a change Person: the first person Tense: the present tense (描述具体经历时则要用一般过去时),2.提炼要点，确定重点词汇,要点：三大问题+一个要求 Point 1: not ring; send messages Point 2：sold out;changefor或exchangefor或replacewith,2.提炼要点，确定重点词汇,Point 3：model; no spare parts; re
3、pair/fix/maintain Point 4：require/request sb. to do sth或demand of sb. to do sth.,3.连词成句,1.手机不响铃,不能发短信It doesnt ring . It doesnt send short messages. 2.该产品已售完,无法更换The model has been sold out . They cant change a new one for me.,3.型号新,无配件,无法维修It is a new model in China. It is impossible to fix it with
4、out the right spare parts. 4.要求公司应尽快予以更换I demand of /require/request your company to change a new one for me as soon as possible.,4. 组句成篇,（1）适当添加信息点， 使文意通顺连贯 （2）巧妙使用连接词，使文章结构紧凑 （3）灵活运用好句式，使文章文采飞扬,（1）适当添加信息点,思路一：串故事，按事情发展的先后顺序叙述要点。增加的信息点多为时间词。 思路二：纯粹“诉说”问题，按要点间的内在关系组织文章。增加的信息点多为逻辑关系词。,（2）巧妙使用连接词,思路一：
5、Ten days after that/ Several days ago, Then, Later,（2）巧妙使用连接词,思路二：To begin with , Besides/ Apart from that/ Whats more/ In addition/ Furthermore/ Moreover/ Whats worse/ Even worse/ Worse still/ To make matters worse / As a result/ Therefore,（3）灵活运用好句式,方法一: 使用非谓语动词使句子简洁高档 方法二: 巧用倒装结构增强句子的表现力 方法三: 尝试多
6、样化表达方式,如：1.感叹句 2.强调句 3.with短语 4.定语从句 5.各种名词性从句 6.各种状语从句,1. 手机不响铃,不能发短信 整合前： It doesnt ring . It doesnt send short messages. 整合后： a. It cant ring or send short messages. b. It doesnt ring at all and meanwhile it doesnt send short messages. （并列句）,c. It can neither ring nor send short messages. d. Not
7、only does it fail to ring, but also it cant send a message. (倒装句句式) e.The mobile phone cant ring, nor can it send messages.（同上）,2.该产品已售完,无法更换 整合前：The model has been sold out . They cant change a new one for me. 整合后： a.The new model has been sold out so that they cant change a new one for me .（结果状语从句
8、）,b. The model has been sold out,as a consequence, its impossible for them to change a new one for me.（It作形式主语） c. The model has been sold out, which makes it impossible for me to have a new one. (非限制性定语从句),d. The fact that the model has been sold out makes me unable to change it.（主语从句） e. This kind
9、 of phones has been sold out . Therefore, I have no approaches to exchanging the phone for a new one. （副词）,3.型号新,无配件,无法维修 整合前： It is a new model in China. It is impossible to fix it without the right spare parts. 整合后： a.Since its a new model and therere no spare parts,I cant get it repaired .（原因状语从句
10、）,b.So new is its type without any spare parts that I cant get it repaired.(倒装句) c.With its new type and no spare parts left, I find it hard to have it repaired.（with结构） d.Due to its new model with no spare parts,I have no access to its repair.（介短）,4.要求公司应尽快予以更换 整合前：I require/request your company to
11、 change a new one for me as soon as possible. 整合后： a. To conclude, I demand/require that your company should have my phone changed as soon as possible.(宾语从句和虚拟语气),b. Id really appreciate it if you could replace it soon.（代词it) c. All that I request of your company is that you should get my phone chan
12、ged as soon as possible.(定语从句和表语从句）,d. I hope that my requirement that you should change a new phone of the same model for me can be satisfied as soon as possible. (宾语从句、同位语从句、虚拟语气及被动语态),5.检查誊写,仔细誊写，保证字迹工整，卷面整洁。,Possible version(1) Dear Sir,Ten days after that, it didnt ring or send short messages.
13、Then I took it to the seller, but was told that the model had been sold out and I had to wait at least three months for a new one.,Later I went to the repairman. He said since it was a new-model in China, it was impossible to fix it without the right spare parts. I was so desperate on hearing that.
14、How can I wait that long?,Therefore, I require that you send me a new one of the same model within a month. Thank you for your consideration.Yours, Sincerely,Possible version(2)What bothers me is the quality of the mobile phone. The problems are as follows: To start with, not only does it fail to ri
15、ng but also it cant send a message.,Besides, this kind of phones sell so well that none can be found at the market. As a result, I cant change my phone for a new one.,Whats worse, there being such a new product, the spare parts of the phone are not available at the moment. As a consequence, its impo
16、ssible to get it changed.,As is known to all, the service of your company has been praised by many guests and I hope that your company can get my phone changed as soon as possible.,直击高考,评分原则：1.本题总分为25分,按5个档次给分. (第一档：15分；第二档：610分;第三档：1115分；第四档：1620分；第五档：2125分） 2.评分时,先根据文章的内容和语言初步确定其所属档次,然后以该档的要求来衡量，确
17、定或调整档次，最后给分。,3.词数少于80和多于120的,从总分中减去2分.4.评分时,应注意的主要内容为:内容要点,应用词汇和语法结构的数量和准确性,上下文的连贯性及语言的得体性。5.拼写与标点符号是语言准确性的一个方面，评分时,应视其对交际的影响程度予以考虑。英,美拼写及词汇均可接受。6.如书写较差,以至影响交际,将分数降低一个档次.,第五档(很好)；(21-25分) 1. 完全完成了试题规定的任务。 2. 覆盖所有内容要点。 3. 应用了较多的语法结构和词汇。 4. 语法结构或词汇方面有些许错误，但为尽力使用较复杂结构或较高级词汇所致；具备较强的语言运用能力。 5. 有效地使用了语句间的
18、连接成分，使全文结构紧凑。 6. 完全达到了预期的写作目的。,第四档(好)：(16-20分) 1. 完全完成了试题规定的任务。 2. 虽漏掉1、2个次重点，但覆盖所有主要内容。 3. 应用的语法结构和词汇能满足任务的要求。 4. 语法结构或词汇方面应用基本准确，些许错误主要是因尝试较复杂语法结构或词汇所致。 5. 应用简单的语句间的连接成分，使全文结构紧凑。 6. 达到了预期的写作目的。,第三档(适当)：(11-15分) 1. 基本完成了试题规定的任务。 2. 虽漏掉一些内容，但覆盖所有主要内容。 3. 应用的语法结构和词汇能满足任务的要求。 4. 有一些语法结构或词汇方面的错误，但不影响理解
19、。 5. 应用简单的语句间的连接成分，使全文内容连贯。 6. 整体而言，基本达到了预期的写作目的。,第二档(较差)：(6-10分) 1. 未恰当完成试题规定的任务。 2. 漏掉或未描述清楚一些主要内容，写了一些无关内容。 3. 语法结构单调、词汇项目有限。 4. 有一些语法结构或词汇方面的错误，影响了对写作内容的理解。 5. 较少使用语句间的连接成分，内容缺少连贯性。 6. 信息未能清楚地传达给读者。,第一档(差)：(1-5分) 1. 未完成试题规定的任务。 2. 明显遗漏主要内容，写了一些无关内容，原因可能是未理解试题要求。 3. 语法结构单调、词汇项目有限。 4. 较多语法结构或词汇方面的错误，影响对写作内容的理解。 5. 缺乏语句间的连接成分，内容不连贯。 6. 信息未能传达给读者。,不得分：（0分） 未能传达给读者仟何信息：内容太少，无法评判；写的内容均与所要求内容无关或所写内容无法看清。,Thank you!,
