1、个人脱口秀表演 苑津山Hi, everyone. My name is 胡津山.I was born in 辽宁province, ,from 田家炳 college of education. But to most people, I am known as “Who?“ Laughter “Hu“ is actually my mothers family name, Laughter and the answer to my credit card security question. (捂嘴,)Laughter Do not rob my money.各位好，我是苑津山。我出生在沈阳
2、，来自田家炳教育学部，但是对很多人来说，听到我的名字，会问“谁”? （看滑稽表情，观众笑），Who （同音“Hu ”）恰恰是我妈的娘家姓（观众笑），也是我信用卡密保问题的答案。你们不要去抢钱！But joking aside, I just want to reassure everybody that I am admitted into the university. Laughter 但是玩笑归玩笑，我想让大家放心我进入这所大学的确是考上的。（观众笑，）Last week,my deskmate would to promote his spoken,he thoughthe thoug
3、ht, finally he said:where are you come from?I said smilingly: I am from China. (Laughter) He is from China . She is from China. Everyone in class who wouldnt from China?Bing dizzy,I think this question is very funny! Laughter上周，我的同桌想要提高他的口语，他想啊想，最后他说，你从哪来？我笑了，我在中国长大。谁不是呢？我晕，这个对话很好玩啊。That isnt a joke
4、, Laughter until now. Laughter这不是个笑话（观众笑），不过现在是了。（观众笑）This summer holiday I went to America. A car with a lot of stickers that are impossible to peel off. And one of them said, “If you dont speak English, go home!“ Laughter And I didnt notice it for two weeks. LaughterIn other words,I can not speak
5、English,but I did not go home for two weeks.这个暑假我去了趟美国，一台车上贴了好多贴纸（就类似我们的“熊出没注意”那种），贴的很牢，就根本不可能撕下来。其中一张写着“如果你不说英文，就滚回家去”。（观众笑，这句话有歧视的意味）而我两周后才看到它。我不会英语，但我长达两周都没滚回家（观众笑）And like many other Chinese tourists, we dreamed ourself to become the president of this country. And we try to make us bilingual, yo
6、u know, Chinese at home and English in the public. Which is really a tough to do, because many times I had to say to myself in public, “Hi, listen, if you dont speak English, go home!“ Laughter和很多其他的游客一样，我们都希望自己能在这个国家混个领导。于是我们努力说两种语言，在家说中文，在外说英文。但操作起来其实挺困难，很多时候我不得不在公共场合对自己说：“嘿，听着，如果你不说英文，就滚回家去。”（观众笑
7、）A tourist speak , “Hi , Why do you have to learn two languages?“ I said, “ once you become the president of the Unite States, you will have to sign legislative bills in English, and talk to debt collectors in Chinese!“Because America owe to China amounts of money. LaughterApplause一个游客说：“为什么我要学两个语言呢
8、？”我就跟他说：“一旦有一天你在美国有了一席之地，你就必须要用英文来签署合同，还要用中文跟讨债的对话。”中国当前是美国的最大债主。（观众狂笑，并鼓掌）You may be saying, hi, what would be your presentation slogan? You see, I spent 10 years in the past decade. Laughter Oh, you too? ok. Laughter So, I understand that Chinese are suffering for learning English. So, my presenta
9、tion slogan will be, “Who cares?“ (Hu Cares) Laughter你或许会问：“嘿，那你的表演口号是什么？”你看，过去的 90年代里我度过了 10 年。什么，你也是？好吧。所以我很理解中国孩子学习英语所经历的痛苦。所以，我的表演口号将会是“Hu Cares ”（此处又是 Who-Hu 的谐音，Hu Cares：“胡关心你”Who Cares：“谁在乎你”。）Wa ,Its hot .But we are how to do?And I have a quick solution for global warming. I will switch from
10、 Fahrenheit to Celsius，sharply.Laughter It was 100 degrees, now its 40! Laughter You are very welcome! Laughter 这里太热了，我还有解决全球变暖的特效措施，我把华氏改成摄氏。这样以前的 100 度就会瞬间变成 40 度。（观众大笑）Finally,I hope everyboby will cherish your time in university and always look forward to your life.My name is 苑津山。LaughterThankyou. 最后，愿各位在大学珍惜时间，对生活永远期待。我的名字是苑津山（观众笑）谢谢。
