1、Book 3 Unit 1 PersonalityThe Misery of Shyness Shyness is the cause of much unhappiness for a great many people. All kinds of people describe themselves as shy: short, tall, dull, intelligent, young, old, slim, overweight. Shy people are anxious and self-conscious; that is, they are excessively conc
2、erned with their own appearance and actions. Worrisome thoughts are constantly swirling in their minds: What kind of impression am I making? Do they like me? Do I sound stupid? Im ugly. Im wearing unattractive clothes. It is obvious that such uncomfortable feelings must affect people adversely. A pe
3、rsons self-concept is reflected in the way he or she behaves, and the way a person behaves affects other peoples reactions. In general, the way people think about themselves has a profound effect on all areas of their lives. For instance, people who have a positive sense of self-worth or high self-e
4、steem usually act with confidence. Because they have self-assurance, they do not need constant praise and encouragement from others to feel good about themselves. Self-confident people participate in life enthusiastically and spontaneously. They are not affected by what others think they “should“ do
5、. People with high self-esteem are not hurt by criticism; they do not regard criticism as a personal attack. Instead, they view a criticism as a suggestion for improvement. In contrast, shy people, having low self-esteem, are likely to be passive and easily influenced by others. They need reassuranc
6、e that they are doing “the right thing“. Shy people are very sensitive to criticism; they feel it confirms their inferiority. They also find it difficult to be pleased by compliments because they believe they are unworthy of praise. A shy person may respond to a compliment with a statement like this
7、 one: “Youre just saying that to make me feel good. I know its not true.“ It is clear that, while self-awareness is a healthy quality, overdoing it is detrimental, or harmful. Can shyness be completely eliminated, or at least reduced? Fortunately, people can overcome shyness with determined and pati
8、ent effort in building self-confidence. Since shyness goes hand in hand with lack of self-esteem, it is important for people to accept their weaknesses as well as their strengths. For example, most people would like to be “A“ students in every subject. It is not fair for them to label themselves as
9、inferior because they have difficulty in some areas. Peoples expectations of themselves must be realistic. Dwelling on the impossible leads to a sense of inadequacy, and even feelings of envy, or jealousy. We are self-destructive when we envy a student who gets better grades. If you are shy, here ar
10、e some specific helpful steps toward building self-confidence and overcoming shyness: 1. Recognize your personal strengths and weaknesses. Everyone has both. As self-acceptance grows, shyness naturally diminishes. 2. Set reasonable goals. For example, you may be timid about being with a group of str
11、angers at a party. Dont feel that you must converse with everyone. Concentrate on talking to only one or two people. You will feel more comfortable. 3. Guilt and shame are destructive feelings. Dont waste time and energy on them. Suppose you have hurt someones feelings. Feeling ashamed accomplishes
12、nothing. Instead, accept the fact that you have made a mistake, and make up your mind to be more sensitive in the future. 4. There are numerous approaches to all issues. Few opinions are completely right or wrong. Dont be afraid to speak up and give your point of view. 5. Do not make negative commen
13、ts about yourself. This is a form of self-rejection. Avoid describing yourself as stupid, ugly, a failure. Accent the positive. 6. Accept criticism thoughtfully. Do not interpret it as a personal attack. If, for example, a friend complains about your cooking, accept it as a comment on your cooking,
14、not yourself. Be assured that you are still good friends, but perhaps your cooking could improve. 7. Remember that everyone experiences some failures and disappointments. Profit from them as learning experiences. Very often a disappointment becomes a turning point for a wonderful experience to come
15、along. For instance, you may be rejected by the college of your choice. However, at the college you actually attend, you may find a quality of education beyond what you had expected. 8. Do not associate with people who make you feel inadequate. Try to change their attitude or yours, or remove yourse
16、lf from that relationship. People who hurt you do not have your best interests at heart. 9. Set aside time to relax, enjoy hobbies, and re-evaluate your goals regularly. Time spent this way helps you learn more about yourself. 10. Practice being in social situations. Dont isolate yourself from peopl
17、e. Try making one acquaintance at a time; eventually you will circulate in large groups with skill and self-assurance. Each one of us is a unique, valuable individual. We are interesting in our own personal ways. The better we understand ourselves, the easier it becomes to live up to our full potent
18、ial. Lets not allow shyness to block our chances for a rich and fulfilling life. Two Ways of Looking at Life Your attitude strongly reflects your outlook on life. Take a closer look at that connection. Are you a pessimistor an optimist? Can you see how your way of looking actually does color your at
19、titude? And remember: change your outlook and you change your attitude. The father is looking down into the crib at his sleeping newborn daughter, just home from the hospital. His heart is overflowing with awe and gratitude for the beauty of her, the perfection. The baby opens her eyes and stares st
20、raight up. The father calls her name, expecting that she will turn her head and look at him. Her eyes dont move. 4 He picks up a furry little toy attached to the rail of the crib and shakes it, ringing the bell it contains. The babys eyes dont move. His heart has begun to beat rapidly. He finds his
21、wife in their bedroom and tells her what just happened. “She doesnt seem to respond to noise at all,“ he says. “Its as if she cant hear.“ “Im sure shes all right,“ the wife says, pulling her dressing gown around her. Together they go into the babys room. She calls the babys name, jingles the bell, c
22、laps her hands. Then she picks up the baby, who immediately becomes lively and makes happy sounds. “My God,“ the father says. “Shes deaf.“ “No, shes not,“ the mother says. “I mean, its too soon to say a thing like that. Look, shes brand-new. Her eyes dont even focus yet.“ “But there wasnt the slight
23、est movement, even when you clapped as hard as you could.“ The mother takes a book from the shelf. “Lets read whats in the baby book,“ she says. She looks up “hearing“ and reads out loud: “Dont be alarmed if your newborn fails to be startled by loud noises or fails to turn toward sound. Reactions to
24、 sound often take some time to develop. Your pediatrician can test your childs hearing neurologically. “There,“ the mother says. “Doesnt that make you feel better?“ “Not much,“ the father says. “It doesnt even mention the other possibility, that the baby is deaf. And all I know is that my baby doesn
25、t hear a thing. Ive got the worst feeling about this. Maybe its because my grandfather was deaf. If that beautiful baby is deaf and its my fault, Ill never forgive myself.“ “Hey, wait a minute,“ says the wife. “Youre worrying too much. Well call the pediatrician first thing Monday. In the meantime,
26、cheer up. Here, hold the baby while I fix her blanket. Its all pulled out.“ The father takes the baby but gives her back to his wife as soon as he can. All weekend he finds himself unable to prepare for next weeks work. He follows his wife around the house, thinking about the babys hearing and about
27、 the way deafness would ruin her life. He imagines only the worst: no hearing, no development of language, his beautiful child cut off from society, locked in a soundless world. By Sunday night he has sunk into despair. The mother leaves a message with the pediatricians answering service asking for
28、an early appointment Monday. She spends the weekend doing her exercises, reading, and trying to calm her husband. The pediatricians tests are reassuring, but the fathers spirits remain low. Not until a week later, when the baby shows her first startle to the loud sound of a passing truck, does he be
29、gin to recover and enjoy his new daughter again. This father and mother have two different ways of looking at the world. Whenever something bad happens to hima call from the bank manager, a disagreement with his wife, even a frown from his employerhe imagines the worst: bankruptcy, jail, divorce, an
30、d dismissal. He is prone to depression; he often feels extremely tired; his health suffers. She, on the other hand, sees bad events in their least threatening light. To her, they are temporary challenges to be overcome. After a reversal, she bounces back quickly, and finds all her energy again. Her
31、health is excellent. The optimists and the pessimists: I have been studying them for the past twenty-five years. The defining characteristic of pessimists is that they tend to believe bad events will last a long time, will undermine everything they do, and are their own fault. The optimists, who are
32、 confronted with the same hard knocks of this world, think about misfortune in the opposite way. They tend to believe defeat is just a temporary setback, that its causes are confined to this one case. The optimists believe defeat is not their fault: circumstances, bad luck, or other people brought i
33、t about. Such people are not bothered by defeat. Confronted by a bad situation, they perceive it as a challenge and try harder. These two habits of thinking about causes have consequences. Literally hundreds of studies show that pessimists give up more easily and get depressed more often. These expe
34、riments also show that optimists do much better in school and at work. They regularly exceed the predictions of aptitude tests. When optimists run for office, they are more apt to be elected than pessimists are. Their health is unusually good. Evidence suggests they may even live longer. Twenty-five
35、 years of study has convinced me that if we habitually believe, as does the pessimist, that misfortune is our fault, is enduring, and will undermine everything we do, more of it will happen to us than if we believe otherwise. I am also convinced that if we are in the grip of this view, we will get d
36、epressed easily, we will accomplish less than our potential, and we will even get physically sick more often. Pessimistic prophecies are self-fulfilling. You Are What You Think Do you see the glass as half-full rather than half-empty? Do you keep your eye upon the doughnut, not upon the hole? Sudden
37、ly these clich s are scientific questions, as researchers scrutinize the power of positive thinking. A fast-growing body of research104 studies so far, involving some 15,000 peopleis proving that optimism can help you to be happier, healthier and more successful. Pessimism leads, by contrast, to hop
38、elessness, sickness and failure, and is linked to depression, loneliness and painful shyness. “If we could teach people to think more positively,“ says psychologist Craig A. Anderson of Rice University in Houston, “it would be like inoculating them against these mental ills.“ “Your abilities count,“
39、 explains psychologist Michael F. Scheier of Carnegie-Mellon University in Pittsburgh, “but the belief that you can succeed affects whether or not you will.“ In part, thats because optimists and pessimists deal with the same challenges and disappointments in very different ways. Take, for example, y
40、our job. In a major study, psychologist Martin E. P. Seligman of the University of Pennsylvania and colleague Peter Schulman surveyed sales representatives at the Metropolitan Life Insurance Co. They found that the positive thinkers among long-time representatives sold 37 percent more insurance than
41、 did the negative thinkers. Of newly hired representatives, optimists sold 20 percent more. Impressed, the company hired 100 people who had failed the standard industry test but had scored high on optimism. These people, who might never have been hired, sold 10 percent more insurance than did the av
42、erage representative. How did they do it? The secret to an optimists success, according to Seligman, is in his “explanatory style“. When things go wrong the pessimist tends to blame himself. “Im no good at this,“ he says. “I always fail.“ The optimist looks for other explanations. He blames the weat
43、her, the phone connection, even the other person. That customer was in a bad mood, he thinks. When things go right, the optimist takes credit while the pessimist thinks success is due to luck. Negative or positive, it was a self-fulfilling prophecy. “If people feel hopeless,“ says Anderson, “they do
44、nt bother to acquire the skills they need to succeed.“ A sense of control, according to Anderson, is the real test for success. The optimist feels in control of his own life. If things are going badly, he acts quickly, looking for solutions, forming a new plan of action, and reaching out for advice.
45、 The pessimist feels like a toy of fate and moves slowly. He doesnt seek advice, since he assumes nothing can be done. Optimists may think they are better than the facts would justifyand sometimes thats what keeps them from getting sick. In a long-term study, researchers examined the health historie
46、s of a group of Harvard graduates, all of whom were in the top half of their class and in fine physical condition. Yet some were positive thinkers, and some negative. Twenty years later, there were more middle-age diseases among the pessimists than the optimists. Many studies suggest that the pessim
47、ists feeling of helplessness undermines the bodys natural defenses, the immune system. Dr Christopher Peterson of the University of Michigan has found that the pessimist doesnt take good care of himself. Feeling passive and unable to dodge lifes blows, he expects ill health and other misfortunes, no
48、 matter what he does. He eats unhealthy food, avoids exercise, ignores the doctor, has another drink. Most people are a mix of optimism and pessimism, but are inclined in one direction or the other. It is a pattern of thinking learned from early childhood, says Seligman. It grows out of thousands of
49、 cautions or encouragements, negative statements or positive ones. Too many “donts“ and warnings of danger can make a child feel incompetent, fearfuland pessimistic. As they grow, children experience small triumphs, such as learning to tie shoelaces. Parents can help turn these successes into a sense of control, and that breeds optimism. Pessimism is a hard habit to breakbut it can be done. In a series of studies, Dr Carol Dweck of the University of Illinois has been working with children in the early grades of school. As sh
