1、高三第二学期期中写作讲评,人大附中 刘景军 2009年04月10日,情景作文命题意图-101中张燕,2000年全国考题的交通事故报告； 2002年北京卷的野外生存训练日记； 2003年北京卷小木屋的故事； 2007年北京卷竞选班长； 2008年北京卷春游。,第一节：情景作文（20分）,假设你是红星中学高三一班的学生李华，上周你们班组织了一次感谢恩师的活动。请你依据下面图示，为学校网站写一篇英文稿件，叙述这次活动从准备到结束的完整过程。 注意：词数不少于60。,审题：,话题：感谢老师 文体：记叙文 时态：一般过去时；感想可以是一般现在时 人称：第一人称：我们,审中文信息：,1、上周你们班组织了一
2、次感谢师恩的活动-第一人称：我们；本文时态：一般过去时 2、假设你是李华-理解； 3.、介绍这次活动从准备到结束的过程。 4、字数不少于60词； 5、读者意识，交际性原则；,要点和细节,审图中信息：,图1：讨论（最好是班会）； 图2：打扫办公室，摆花； 图3：擦车 图4：送礼物 注意： 第一幅图没有分工的，其它图是有分工的，也可以不必太具体！ 活动范围：本班内； 结尾感受：灵活，但需紧扣是上述活动；不能过长过多；自然，不能脱离主题。,Language Bank,讨论: discuss sth.; have/hold a discussion on 打扫办公室:cleanthoroughly;g
3、ive a thorough cleaning; 摆花:decorate;put/place/lay/set out 擦车:clean/wash 送礼物:give/present/send/hand/give away,阅卷过程中发现的一些问题: 12以下,1. 人称 时态 文体 一致性 2. 表达问题 ： We came to a decision to do a good deed. We were kind-hearted Ss and gave us gifts. Wang Hong, Li Dong, Im Li Hua from Senior three We decided to
4、 clean Mr. Lis car and bike. Firstly, secondly, thirdly, 提倡： 1、少用或不用直引；2、自然分段；,情景作文阅卷评分步骤,一看外观 确定整洁和字数 二查要点 确定语言质量分档次 三读短文 评定分数 评分时应考虑：内容要点、上下文的连贯、词汇和句式的多样性及语言的准确性。(2009考试说明) 注：用了涂改液或修正带的；没有用黑色签字笔答题的虽然此次不扣分，但要重点强调！,情景作文阅卷评分标准的具体实施,卷面整洁：有三个以上污渍或书写质 量影响辨认，扣除1分。 字数：建议80-100词，少于60不能及格。 要点：写出所有要点，缺要点按相关规
5、定扣 分。 语言质量：六个档次。,评分标准：,评分原则,各幅图的要点和细节是初步给文章定档的基准，即： 1）要点和细节都齐全，进入一二档（15-17；18-20），再视语言质量给分； 2）缺少一必要个细节，进三档（12-14）的高分段，语言很好，可以加1分，即最高15分； 3）至少得有一个备选细节，否则进三档（12-14）的低分段，即12分，语言差，再减分； 4）缺少要点或未描述清楚要点，进四档(6-11)；,评分原则,文章应用第一人称，即we/ our class，人称错，进四档（6-11）；题目要求“叙述这次活动从准备到结束的过程”，因此描述必须有头有尾，以“送礼物”作为文章的结尾扣1分；
6、 字数不够扣1分-视具体情况而定； 时态混乱算作语言能力差；,阅卷者喜欢什么样的文章,1、书写工整，卷面整洁； 2、紧扣主题，逻辑清晰 3、语言简约，语法正确 4、用词准确，表达丰富 5、要点齐全，细节完整； 6、结构完整，适当发挥,优秀作文的六个特点,1、条理性； 2、准确性； 3、流畅性； 4、简洁多样性； 5、思想性； 6、美观性。,范文：蓝色框架；粉色高级表达；横线-要点；,Last week our class organized an activity to thank our teachers before graduation. On Thursday we had a cla
7、ss meeting to discuss what to do. We came up with many good ideas. Then we decided to send them gifts and do some good deeds.The next day we carried out our plan. Some of us cleaned the teachers office and decorated it with potted flowers, making it more comfortable for the teachers to work in. Othe
8、rs helped wash the cars or bikes. Still others gave well-prepared gifts to the teachers, who were very pleased and expressed their best wishes to us. We all felt happy that we had done something for our teachers.,学生作文1,With the Teachers Day approaching, we carried on a discussion about what can be d
9、one to express our appreciation to the teachers. Some of my classmates suggested gifts, while the others believed that a good deed would be more meaningful. After careful consideration, we decided to take them both. Last Friday, the studetns in my class were dividecd into several groups, engaged in
10、various activities that would benefit our teachers. With the impression that a tidy office could cushion the pressure of teachers work, one group cleaned the windows and desks in teachers offfice during lunch break. And some students even decorated the office with flowers in order to make the enviro
11、nment more pleasant. Another group went to great lengths to clean several cars and bikes that belonged to our teachers. I participated in the last activity during which wehanded over elaborate DIY gifts together with lovely flowers to each of our teachers. All of them could hardly conceal their happ
12、iness as they opened the gift, which was a T-shirt with singatures of all the students. That day was exhausting but unforgettable. We call on common appreciation to our teachers. And well definitely do the same next year.,开放作文的命题意图,2005年的照镜子，镜子里外出现的小孩和成人； 2006年城市雕塑长衫的老者和时髦的少女； 2007年大鸟和小鸟； 2008年的铅笔和圆
13、规。,图画开放作文类型一,图画开放作文类型一,图画开放作文类型一,图画开放作文类型一,基于共同，找出差异 一审细节，抓住要点 二审角度，定可能性 优选立意，拓展主题,图画开放作文类型二,开放作文的评分标准（考试说明）,文章是否扣题 内容是否充实、健康； 思路是否清晰； 交际是否得体； 语法和用词是否得当；,评分标准：,开放作文的审题要求,思维清晰，立意积极 符合逻辑，切合实际 内容充实，交际得体 创造思维，发散有度 行文连贯，表达丰富,开放作文,第二节 开放作文 话题：两个物象对风的不同反应！ 审题： describe the picture-描述图片 （三分之一篇幅）; explain ho
14、w you understand it- 对于图片的理解和自己的观点 （三分之二篇幅） 人称： 图片描述用第三人称； 自己观点用第一人称 时态：描图用一般现在时； 议论涉及一般现在时和一般将来时,图片信息：1. 狂风 2. 一棵树被狂风吹折； 3. 草只被吹弯，依然挺立； 注意： 1.图片概括的意境（一棵树）； 2.描图的倾向性； 3.各个环节的衔接过渡；,开放作文的写作思路,1) 两个物象（大树和小草）的对比。大树虽然强壮，但经不住狂风；小草虽然弱小，但是很坚韧。内心的力量强大很重要。 2) 尺有所短，寸有所长。每个人都有自己擅长的一面。不要因为自己在某方面比别人强，就因此而看不起别人。他人
15、也有你所不及的地方。取长补短，互相学习才能自我完善。,开放作文的立意,3）不以外表判断人； 4）坚持真理，刚直不阿； 5）学会适应环境，适者生存； 6）面对不同的形势要学会灵活的改变； 7）遇到困难要学会改变自我； 8）攀登越高，风险越大；,开放作文的dozens of不当立意,1) 主观臆断型：树干是空的；骄傲自大易败； 2）空穴来风型：乐观积极的态度；风不能乱吹； 3）无病呻吟型：态度决定一切；坚持就是胜利； 4）胡言论语型：独生子女问题；常怀怜悯之心；人不能太另类； 5）文化干扰型：木秀于林，风必吹之；枪打出头鸟；树大招风； 6）一叶障目型：环境污染，生态平衡；,开放作文的写作思路,确定
16、情景；明确要求 合理想象；自命主题 量力而行；逻辑清晰 自圆其说；规范语言,开放写作写作八字方针：首师附李军华,用第三人称和一般现在时客观描述图片内容，不超过三分之一篇幅。,根据图片内容和寓意（论点）进行议论，该部分是文章的主体部分，约占三分之二篇幅。,点出图片的寓意，即文章的论点，相当于描图和议论之间的过渡。,根据议论方向，联系到自身，即我们应当怎样做才能解决图片中提出的问题。,描图-解图-议图/议论-圆图/升华,启示:,1、 加强语言基础训练重于能力； 2、提高阶梯速度； 3、每天篇章的输入； 4、审题的训练（看图）,Powerful sentences:,As the picture s
17、hows/tells/presents Its the same with So it is with Similarly, we can never fail to find that What the picture describes reminds me that The message the picture intends to get across/ convey is that.,标准范文：,As can be seen in the picture, a tree is broken by the strong wind, while the grass still stay
18、s as it is. Weak and small as the grass is, it can stand the strong wind. It is the same with human beings. Some people look very strong, but they are easily defeated by difficulties. Weak as some people may seem, they are actually strong in mind, just like the grass in the picture. This kind of peo
19、ple can adapt easily to changing situations and achieve more. They are ready to face challenges and never give up in time of difficulty. So a persons inner strength is much more powerful than physical strength.,学生作文1,In the picture, a gust of wind is blowing across the land. Blades of grass are bent
20、 but unharmed, while a tree trunk many times the width of the grass is broken. Though the tree may stand tall on a sunny day, its onhe misfailure has proven fatal, for it has not the flexibility ot withstand such a change in climate. The misfortunate outcome of the tree is sad but enlightening. Some
21、times we become too focused on going higher that we overlook the importance of getting prepared for different situations. We do not take all possibilities into account, and so when an unexpected change comes along, we panic and fail miserably. The key to flexibility is to be prepared, materially but
22、 more important psychologically, for the worst; to become mentally strong enough that even the biggest of surprises cannot make you at a loss for what to do. By learning to bend, like the supple willow branch swaying in the wind, we ultimately become strong enough to stand against any tempest that life may throw at us.,
