1、不知话剧荆轲刺秦王旁白(Aside )/介绍（Introduction ）： Long ago there was a crazy country, in this crazy country there were some crazy people, trying to show the crazy history by crazy ways. Mr Jingke was the most famous swordsman and was sent to kill king of Qing, “Yingzheng”. But finally he failed. Do you want to
2、 know what happened at that time? Okay, next show will tell you the truth.Action I太子丹（上，掏出镜子梳头，做自恋状）：Mirror, mirror, tell me, who is the most pretty man in the world? (画外音：Its you, Prince Dan! 太子丹高兴状) Thank u mirror! （面对观众） Im Prince Dan, the magic mirror said I am the most attractive man in the wor
3、ld. But Ying Zheng is a jealous guy, I feel he will kill me if mirror told him the truth. I am so scared. So what can I do? (向幕里大叫) Where is my minister?阿三(毕恭毕敬) : Honey, I am coming.太子丹：Ive told you again and again that you should call me “my most beautiful、graceful 、handsome、charming、cute、smart an
4、d dearest Prince Dan”!阿三：Sure, honey! I have a good idea. We can find a hero to kill YingZheng（作杀状）太子：Oh yeah. What is the most expensive commodity in this century? Talent!（二十一世纪最需要的是什么，人才！这句话要跟观众交流，最好由观众来回答，然后拍阿三肩膀，做赞许状） Good idea! But who is the right candidate?阿三：After screening I have two promis
5、ing persons on hand. One is Miss LiMoChou, the other is Mr JinKe. Tomorrow they will PK for the NO1 killer of the world.太子：Well, show me the winner as soon as possible, OK?阿三：Yes.Action II（十面埋伏中刘德华 Hey, guy! You look so smart but why you didnt know TCM? Any of them can give you the answer.阿三：Excuse
6、me? Whats the TCM?观众甲：TCM - Traditional Chinese MM .太子丹：I must show you the trump card. Ladies and gentlemen, this is Lipton Slimming tea. It is a brand new product of Unilever China.荆柯（激动）：Slimming tea! I have dreamed of it for thousands of times. My wife always threatens to leave me if I couldnt r
7、educe my weight.阿三：You want? Speak up if you want! Why do you keep silent? Why are you looking at me? Although your eyes are full of sincerity, Im very glad, you still have to speak up. Take it! Do you really like? Really?你不是真的想要吧？难道你真的想要吗（No matter音乐起，荆轲先与阿三跳探戈，拥入怀中，又甩出去，阿三做呕吐状。然后荆轲与太子丹跳伦巴，最后太子丹摆一个
8、女性化的造型，向后弯腰并抬其中一条腿，荆轲做调戏状。）荆柯(诚恳状 ) Just tell me what should I do? I will do anything for you.太子丹与阿三（撞胯，击掌）Yeah!Action （大话西游主题曲响起）荆珂挽着妻子，太子丹,阿三在后.阿三：Hero, we have already reached Yishui River.荆珂：Just stop here, please. Farewell, my friends太子丹：I will miss you, baby.（太子丹，阿三下。停顿。泰坦尼克号主题曲起，荆轲与妻子做 Jack 和
9、rose 在船头的经典造型，忽然荆轲看到一个美女此时一个中国古典美女经过，向荆轲抛媚眼，并抛下定情手绢。荆轲高兴的盯着美女看，妻子发觉不对，扭过头来。）荆珂（急忙收敛）：Darling, I love you.妻子：I love you! You mean more to me than anything in this whole world!（肖申克的救赎）荆珂(流泪 ) ： I love you more. In spite of you and me and the whole silly world going to pieces around us, I love you. (哪怕
10、是世界末日我都会爱着你，选自飘)妻子：Well. Be a man, just do it! I will be right here waiting for you.荆珂（欲走还留，执子之手又曰）：Sweetheart! You must do me this honor. promise me you will survive. that you will never give up. no matter what happens. no matter how hopeless. promise me now, and never let go of that promise（泰坦尼克号沉
11、船时，Jack 对 Rose 的倾诉）.妻子:“I promise.“荆轲:“Never let go. “妻子:“I promise. I will never let go, Jack. Ill never let go.“（荆轲的发音和 jack 很像，所以加了一些泰坦尼克号的台词。）妻子努力挤出几滴眼泪，荆珂上船，渐渐远去妻子：Its a good day to die. Never come back. Never Never妻子(掏出手机拨号，阿三接手机)： Thank you very much. As soon as I get the life assurance $1000, 000, I will transfer half of it, $500,000 to your account.阿三：Okay okay!旁白：Then Jingke was sent to Qin and finally killed by Yingzheng.8pk8Wg1mU4
