1、 批改 By Will本次批改严格按照 ILETS大作文评分标准进行。ILETS 大作文评分项：TR (论证扣题度), CC (连贯性及一致性), GRA (语法范围及精准度), LR (词汇资源)。文末会进行总评及打分。 文中标识：用词不当 逻辑错误 语法错误 修改添加Test 2环境类 (简单生活方式和科技谁能解决环境问题)Environmental problems become (这里使用现在完成时 has become从意思上更加恰当) a lot point (用词不当，可改成 major concern) in the world now. Many people suffer
2、 from more serious hazy (hazard) in many cities because of individual development in technology. (不是由于科技发展，而是科技发展所带来的污染等等。可改为“the negative externalities of tech development”) Subsequently Some people believe that the measure of (句意不通顺，改为 to tackle) these problems is keeping a simply lifestyle. In my
3、 opinion, this solution can not deal with each struggles and I suggest that technology can solve these problems. There are some reasons to explain to it. (改进用词：The reasonings are listed below.)First and for most, technology bring new stuff with the rate of economy and the development of advanced sci
4、ence; people in the public pay more attention to these aspects. Advanced technology can help people to keep fit and make machines (to) deal with some difficulties. For example, air machine (用词不准，可改为 air conditioning system) can help people to accelerate the speed of air and enhance circulate (词性错误，应
5、当使用名词作为 enhance的宾语，改为circulation) of fresh air. This science can solve air pollution in a range. If the nation starts to keeping a simple lifestyle, it will spend a long time reducing these environmental pollutions. So, it is clear that technology is better than keeping a simple way of life. (句意不对，应
6、当是“使用科技本身可以减少污染，并不用减少使用科技” ，可改为：Hence, a more effective alternative to not using technologies might well be technology itself.)In addition, people can not live without technology (人们不是离开科技就没法活，而是太习惯于这种便捷不愿意抛弃。可改为：are too used to the convenience technology brings.). Nowadays, advanced sciences become
7、 (用现在完成时更恰当，has become) a part of humans life. It is necessary for people to stay in a high level (of life quality). If factories closed, people will lost energy to keep our basic life level. It is obvious that people accept a simple lifestyle is not a wise idea. (这里的解释跳跃性太强，最好先说科技关系到生活的哪些层面，比如发电，然后
8、再说因此我们不能放弃它。例：Technology are closely related to our basic needs, and is hence has made itself impossible to discard. For example, our main energy sources including electricity.)To conclude, the world changes so fast, it must bring some negative effects during making positive effects (用词改进: some nega
9、tive externalities are the necessary price we have to pay for the rapid development), (and) reducing the pollution is a long distance for people to face. Constantly taking control of advanced technology represents that people possess a key to defeat pollution.总评 5.5 (TR5.5 CC6.0 GRA 6.0 LR 5.0)1. 值得表扬的是语法上的错误基本没有了。可以开始慢慢练习再多添加从句的使用和更多句型的变化了。2. 词汇是弱项，词义不准仍旧时有出现。3. 内容上依旧建议你再多提一段反方的观点，可以放在结尾之前，例如本文中可以花一段承认一下环境问题的确严重。4. 连接词使用良好，从句链接却比较少见。
