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类型TED英语演讲:真正的强大.doc

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    TED英语演讲:真正的强大.doc
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    1、此资料由网络收集而来,如有侵权请告知上传者立即删除。资料共分享,我们负责传递知识。TED英语演讲:真正的强大有多少人能够正视自己的弱点,接受它,并且坚信即使这样的自己不完美,但也值得被爱?比起如果把自己伪装、硬撑得完美起来,接受自己的不完美,并承认那才是一切创造力、勇气和革新的发源地,才是快乐的最简单方式。下面是小编为大家收集关于TED英语演讲:真正的强大,欢迎借鉴参考。TED演讲:真正的强大,是敢于面对那个脆弱而不完美的自己演讲稿So, I'll start with this: a couple years ago, an event planner called me becau

    2、se I was going to do a speaking event. And she called, and she said, "I'm really struggling with how to write about you on the little flyer." And I thought, "Well, what's the struggle?" And she said, "Well, I saw you speak, and I'm going to call you a researcher,

    3、 I think, but I'm afraid if I call you a researcher, no one will come, because they'll think you're boring and irrelevant."And I was like, "Okay." And she said, "But the thing I liked about your talk is you're a storyteller. So I think what I'll do is just cal

    4、l you a storyteller." And of course, the academic, insecure part of me was like, "You're going to call me a what?" And she said, "I'm going to call you a storyteller." And I was like, "Why not 'magic pixie'?"I was like, "Let me think about this

    5、 for a second." I tried to call deep on my courage. And I thought, you know, I am a storyteller. I'm a qualitative researcher. I collect stories; that's what I do. And maybe stories are just data with a soul. And maybe I'm just a storyteller. And so I said, "You know what? Why

    6、don't you just say I'm a researcher-storyteller." And she went, "Ha ha. There's no such thing."So I'm a researcher-storyteller, and I'm going to talk to you today - we're talking about expanding perception - and so I want to talk to you and tell some stories ab

    7、out a piece of my research that fundamentally expanded my perception and really actually changed the way that I live and love and work and parent.And this is where my story starts. When I was a young researcher, doctoral student, my first year, I had a research professor who said to us, "Here&#

    8、39;s the thing, if you cannot measure it, it does not exist." And I thought he was just sweet-talking me. I was like, "Really?" and he was like, "Absolutely." And so you have to understand that I have a bachelor's and a master's in social work, and I was getting my P

    9、h.D. in social work, so my entire academic career was surrounded by people who kind of believed in the "life's messy, love it." And I'm more of the, "life's messy, clean it up, organize it and put it into a bento box."And so to think that I had found my way, to found

    10、a career that takes me - really, one of the big sayings in social work is, "Lean into the discomfort of the work." And I'm like, knock discomfort upside the headand move it over and get all A's. That was my mantra. So I was very excited about this. And so I thought, you know what,

    11、this is the career for me, because I am interested in some messy topics. But I want to be able to make them not messy. I want to understand them. I want to hack into these things that I know are important and lay the code out for everyone to see.So where I started was with connection. Because, by th

    12、e time you're a social worker for 10 years, what you realize is that connection is why we're here. It's what gives purpose and meaning to our lives. This is what it's all about. It doesn't matter whether you talk to people who work in social justice, mental health and abuse and n

    13、eglect, what we know is that connection, the ability to feel connected, is -neurobiologically that's how we're wired - it's why we're here.So I thought, you know what, I'm going to start with connection. Well, you know that situation where you get an evaluation from your boss, an

    14、d she tells you 37 things that you do really awesome, and one "opportunity for growth?"And all you can think about is that opportunity for growth, right? Well, apparently this is the way my work went as well, because, when you ask people about love, they tell you about heartbreak. When you

    15、 ask people about belonging, they'll tell you their most excruciating experiences of being excluded. And when you ask people about connection, the stories they told me were about disconnection.So very quickly - really about six weeks into this research - I ran into this unnamed thing that absolu

    16、tely unraveled connection in a way that I didn't understand or had never seen. And so I pulled back out of the research and thought, I need to figure out what this is. And it turned out to be shame. And shame is really easily understood as the fear of disconnection: Is there something about me t

    17、hat, if other people know it or see it, that I won't be worthy of connection?The things I can tell you about it: It's universal; we all have it. The only people who don't experience shame have no capacity for human empathy or connection. No one wants to talk about it, and the less you ta

    18、lk about it, the more you have it. What underpinned this shame, this "I'm not good enough," -which, we all know that feeling: "I'm not blank enough. I'm not thin enough, rich enough, beautiful enough, smart enough, promoted enough." The thing that underpinned this was

    19、 excruciating vulnerability. This idea of, in order for connection to happen, we have to allow ourselves to be seen, really seen.And you know how I feel about vulnerability. I hate vulnerability. And so I thought, this is my chance to beat it back with my measuring stick. I'm going in, I'm g

    20、oing to figure this stuff out, I'm going to spend a year, I'm going to totally deconstruct shame, I'm going to understand how vulnerability works, and I'm going to outsmart it. So I was ready, and I was really excited. As you know, it's not going to turn out well.You know this. S

    21、o, I could tell you a lot about shame, but I'd have to borrow everyone else's time. But here's what I can tell you that it boils down to - and this may be one of the most important things that I've ever learned in the decade of doing this research.My one year turned into six years: T

    22、housands of stories, hundreds of long interviews, focus groups. At one point, people were sending me journal pages and sending me their stories - thousands of pieces of data in six years. And I kind of got a handle on it. I kind of understood, this is what shame is, this is how it works. I wrote a b

    23、ook, I published a theory, but something was not okay - and what it was is that, if I roughly took the people I interviewed and divided them into people who really have a sense of worthiness - that's what this comes down to, a sense of worthiness - they have a strong sense of love and belonging

    24、- and folks who struggle for it, and folks who are always wondering if they're good enough.There was only one variable that separated the people who have a strong sense of love and belongingand the people who really struggle for it. And that was, the people who have a strong sense of love and be

    25、longing believe they're worthy of love and belonging. That's it. They believe they're worthy. And to me, the hard part of the one thing that keeps us out of connection is our fear that we're not worthy of connection, was something that, personally and professionally, I felt like I ne

    26、eded to understand better.So what I did is I took all of the interviews where I saw worthiness, where I saw people living that way,and just looked at those.What do these people have in common? I have a slight office supply addiction, but that's another talk. So I had a manila folder, and I had a

    27、 Sharpie, and I was like, what am I going to call this research? And the first words that came to my mind were "whole-hearted." These are whole-hearted people, living from this deep sense of worthiness. So I wrote at the top of the manila folder, and I started looking at the data. In fact,

    28、 I did it first in a four-day, very intensive data analysis, where I went back, pulled the interviews, the stories, pulled the incidents. What's the theme? What's the pattern? My husband left town with the kidsbecause I always go into this Jackson Pollock crazy thing, where I'm just writ

    29、ing and in my researcher mode.And so here's what I found. What they had in common was a sense of courage. And I want to separate courage and bravery for you for a minute. Courage, the original definition of courage, when it first came into the English language - it's from the Latin word &quo

    30、t;cor," meaning "heart" - and the original definition was to tell the story of who you are with your whole heart. And so these folks had, very simply, the courage to be imperfect. They had the compassion to be kind to themselves first and then to others,because, as it turns out, we ca

    31、n't practice compassion with other people if we can't treat ourselves kindly. And the last was they had connection, and - this was the hard part - as a result of authenticity,they were willing to let go of who they thought they should be in order to be who they were, which you have to absolu

    32、tely do that for connection.The other thing that they had in common was this: They fully embraced vulnerability. They believed that what made them vulnerable made them beautiful. They didn't talk about vulnerability being comfortable,nor did they really talk about it being excruciating - as I ha

    33、d heard it earlier in the shame interviewing.They just talked about it being necessary. They talked about the willingness to say, "I love you" first . the willingness to do something where there are no guarantees . the willingness to breathe through waiting for the doctor to call after you

    34、r mammogram. They're willing to invest in a relationship that may or may not work out. They thought this was fundamental.I personally thought it was betrayal. I could not believe I had pledged allegiance to research, where our job - you know, the definition of research is to control and predict,

    35、 to study phenomena for the explicit reason to control and predict. And now my mission to control and predict had turned up the answer that the way to live is with vulnerability and to stop controlling and predicting. This led to a little breakdown -And it did.I call it a breakdown; my therapist cal

    36、ls it a spiritual awakening.A spiritual awakening sounds better than breakdown, but I assure you, it was a breakdown. And I had to put my data away and go find a therapist. Let me tell you something: you know who you are when you call your friends and say, "I think I need to see somebody. Do yo

    37、u have any recommendations?" Because about five of my friends were like, "Wooo, I wouldn't want to be your therapist."I was like, "What does that mean?" And they're like, "I'm just saying, you know. Don't bring your measuring stick."I was like, &quo

    38、t;Okay." So I found a therapist. My first meeting with her, Diana - I brought in my list of the way the whole-hearted live, and I sat down. And she said, "How are you?" And I said, "I'm great. I'm okay." She said, "What's going on?" And this is a therap

    39、ist who sees therapists, because we have to go to those, because their B.S. meters are good.And so I said, "Here's the thing, I'm struggling." And she said, "What's the struggle?" And I said, "Well, I have a vulnerability issue. And I know that vulnerability is t

    40、he core of shame and fear and our struggle for worthiness, but it appears that it's also the birthplace of joy, of creativity, of belonging, of love. And I think I have a problem, and I need some help." And I said, "But here's the thing: no family stuff, no childhood shit."I j

    41、ust need some strategies."Thank you. So she goes like this.And then I said, "It's bad, right?" And she said, "It's neither good nor bad.""It just is what it is." And I said, "Oh my God, this is going to suck."And it did, and it didn't. And it

    42、took about a year. And you know how there are people that, when they realize that vulnerability and tenderness are important, that they surrender and walk into it. A: that's not me, and B: I don't even hang out with people like that.For me, it was a yearlong street fight. It was a slugfest.

    43、Vulnerability pushed, I pushed back. I lost the fight, but probably won my life back.And so then I went back into the research and spent the next couple of years really trying to understand what they, the whole-hearted, what choices they were making, and what we are doing with vulnerability.Why do w

    44、e struggle with it so much? Am I alone in struggling with vulnerability? No.So this is what I learned. We numb vulnerability - when we're waiting for the call. It was funny, I sent something out on Twitter and on Facebook that says, "How would you define vulnerability? What makes you feel v

    45、ulnerable?" And within an hour and a half, I had 150 responses. Because I wanted to know what's out there. Having to ask my husband for help because I'm sick, and we're newly married; initiating sex with my husband; initiating sex with my wife; being turned down; asking someone out;

    46、 waiting for the doctor to call back; getting laid off; laying off people. This is the world we live in. We live in a vulnerable world. And one of the ways we deal with it is we numb vulnerability.And I think there's evidence - and it's not the only reason this evidence exists, but I think i

    47、t's a huge cause - We are the most in-debt . obese . addicted and medicated adult cohort in U.S. history. The problem is - and I learned this from the research - that you cannot selectively numb emotion. You can't say, here's the bad stuff. Here's vulnerability, here's grief, her

    48、e's shame, here's fear, here's disappointment. I don't want to feel these. I'm going to have a couple of beers and a banana nut muffin.I don't want to feel these. And I know that's knowing laughter. I hack into your lives for a living. God.You can't numb those hard fe

    49、elings without numbing the other affects, our emotions. You cannot selectively numb. So when we numb those, we numb joy, we numb gratitude, we numb happiness. And then, we are miserable, and we are looking for purpose and meaning, and then we feel vulnerable, so then we have a couple of beers and a banana nut muffin. And it becomes this dangerous cycle.One of the things that I think we need to think

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