1、 Book Two How Boys Become MenJon Katz两个九岁大的男孩一起放学回家，他们既是邻居又是好朋友。Two nine-year-old boys,neighbors and friends,were walking home from school.其中一个身穿亮蓝色风衣，他一边大声笑着，一边将看上去很重的书包朝着同伴的脑袋甩来甩去。The one in the bright blue windbreaker was laughing and swinging a heavy-looking book bag toward the head of his frien
2、d,同伴不停地躲闪着、退让着，惟恐被打中。 “躲什么呀，胆小鬼？” 呼呼挥舞着书包的那个男孩戏谑道。who kept ducking and stepping back.”Whats the matter?”asked the kid with the bag whooshing it over his head.”You chicken?”于是，他的同伴停止了躲闪，鼓足勇气，站在原地一动不动。His friend stopped,stood still and braced himself.不出所料，书包“嗵”地一声打中了男孩的脸。书包撞在脸上的声音很大，连站在街对面观望的我都听到了。The
3、 bag slammed into the side of his face,the thump audible all the way across the street where I stood watching.男孩倒在了地上，有一小会儿没能站起来，我想他恐怕是被打晕了。The impact knocked him to the ground,where he lay mildly stunned for a second.孩子挣扎着站起来后，只是随手擦了擦被打中的地方，就骄傲地宣告：“看到了吗？我不是胆小鬼！”Then he struggled up,rubbing the side
4、 of his head.”See?”he said proudly.”Im no chicken.”是的，他不是胆小鬼。胆小鬼可能早想办法逃之夭夭了。No. A chicken would probably have had the sense to get out of the way.不仅如此，甚至可以说这个男孩已经快要成为一名男子汉了，因为他已具备男子汉所应有的重要品质之一：不惧怕痛苦，勇于体验痛苦。This boy was already well on the road to becoming a man,having learned one of the central ethi
5、cs of his gender:Experience pain rather than show fear.女人往往认为男人身上存在着令人头痛的问题，需要解决。Women tend to see men as a giant problem in need of solution.她们常念叨和我们男人之间距离遥远，无法沟通；还要求我们减少些男人气，增添些承诺和仁慈。They tell us that were remote and uncommunicative,that we need to demonstrate less machismo and more commitment,mor
6、e humanity.但是，如果不了解男孩子的某些特点，你就无法了解我们男人为什么是现在这种状况，也无法了解男人为什么会觉得交友如此困难，为什么感到恐惧和遇到难题时不愿承认。But if you dont understand something about boys,you cant understand why men are the way we are,why we find it so difficult to make friends or to acknowledge our fears and problems.男孩的世界自有其独特的行为准则，一套深藏于心的冷酷无情、坚定不屈的
7、准则：Boys live in a world with its own Code of Conduct,a set of ruthless,unspoken,and unyielding rules:不能当老好人。Dont be a goody-goody.不能背叛。假如父母问起身上的瘀伤，要表现得无所谓。Never rat.If your parents ask about bruises,shrug.不能承认自己害怕。要敢于坐过山车，敢于参与拳斗，敢于做自己必须要做的事情。求人帮忙就会被指责为女里女气。Never admit fear.Ride the roller coaster,an
8、d join the fistfight,do what you have to do.Asking for help is for sissies.富于同情心的男孩令人讨厌，被人轻视。男孩在个别情况下可以帮助他的死党，而对其他人则不能轻易伸出援助之手。Empathy is for nerds.You can help your best buddy,under certain circumstances.Everyone else is on his own.不能和任何人讨论有关钱财的问题。要反抗、蔑视老师，不把他们当回事；嘲笑那些懦弱的人；高谈阔论读过的滑稽故事。而其他话题则有可能让你显得
9、没有男子气概。Never discuss anything of substance with anybody.Grunt,shrug,dump on teachers,laugh at wimps,talk about comic books.Anything else is risky.男孩应该表现得冷酷（这对自己会有好处） 。其他大多数行为 读书、和女孩交朋友，或安静地思考问题 都被认为是很古怪的。而如果说这世界上只有一件男孩不愿意去做的事情，那就是让自己显得怪里怪气。Boys are rewarded for throwing hard.Most other activities-re
10、ading,befriending girls,or just thinking-are considered weird.And if theres one thing boys dont want to be,its weird.最重要的是，男孩应该学会如何把握自己。More than anything else,boys are supposed to learn how to handle themselves.还记得上五年级时我和一位同学之间的那场激烈冲突。事情发生在学校的自助餐厅里。I remember the bitter fifth-grade conflict我用胳膊肘将一个
11、名叫巴里的比我还高大的男孩推到一边，从而抢到了最后一盒巧克力奶。I touched off by elbowing aside a bigger boy named Barry and seizing the cafeterias last carton of chocolate milk.巴里因为被一个比他弱小的男孩打败而遭到了同伴们的嘲笑，他决心要重树自己在同伴中的威信。Teased for getting aced out by a wimp,he had to reclaim his place in the pack.于是，课间休息时我俩进行了一场拳斗。结果我被打倒在地，嘴唇还流了血
12、。Our fistfight,at recess,ended with my knees buckling and my lip bleeding 我的好朋友都很同情我，但他们不能插手，只能无奈地在一旁观望。while my friends,sympathetic but out of range,watched resignedly.回家之后，妈妈看到我肿胀的脸颊，不由得惊叫起来，但我什么都没跟她说。When I got home,my mother took one look at my swollen face and screamed.I wouldnt tell her anythi
13、ng,爸爸回来后，我终于崩溃了，告诉了他们发生的一切，但恳求他们不要插手。but when my father got home I cracked and confessed,pleading with them to do nothing.可爸妈却给巴里的父母打了电话，结果巴里被罚一个星期不能看电视。Instead,they called Barrys parents,who restricted his television for a week.第二天早晨，在我去上学的路上，巴里和他的六个伙伴突然从一片树林里冒出来拦住了我。巴里对他的朋友说：“这就是那个叛徒。 ”The followi
14、ng morning,Barry and six of his pals stepped out from behind a stand of tree.”Its the rat,”said Barry.他们打了我，这一次出手更重；而且还用蜡笔在我的书桌上涂满了“叛徒” 的字样。I bled a little more.Rat was scrawled in crayon across my desk.接下来的几天，每逢下午放学，他们都会在半路上截我。我试着改变回家的路线，不走有灌木丛或树篱的地方。但基本上没用，他们总是能拦住我。They were waiting for me after s
15、chool for a number of afternoons to follow.I tried varying my routes and avoiding bushes and hedges.It usually didnt work.我又害怕，又羞于告人。 “你这真是自找的， ”我最好的朋友跟我说。I was as ashamed for telling as I was frightened.“You did ask for it,“said my best friend.惶恐中，只得向大我几岁的表哥求救。放学回家的路上，表哥远远地跟在后面护送我。 巴里一伙人围住我时，表哥飞奔过来
16、，大喝道：“ 谁敢动我表弟，我就对他不客气！ ”In panic,I appealed to a cousin who was several years older.He followed me home from school,and when Barrys gang surrounded me,he came barreling toward us.“Stay away from my cousin,“he shouted,“or Ill kill you.“巴里一伙人跑开了，表哥禁不住大笑起来，高声说：“你还怕他们？个头儿才不过到我腰这儿嘛。 ”男子汉在小时候很少得到别人的同情。Aft
17、er they were gone,howerer,my cousin could barely stop laughing.“You were afraid of them?“he howled.“They barely came up to my waist.“或许就是这个原因，他们长大后有时觉得很难去同情别人。Men remember receiving little mercy as boys:maybe thats why its sometimes difficult for them to show any.“我知道很多男人都有快乐的童年，但谈到儿时其他男孩如何对待自己时，没有一
18、个人有美好的回忆， ”“I know lots of men who had happy childhoods,but noen who have happy memories of the way other boys treated them,“一位朋友说， “一到三年级，男孩之间就开始打打闹闹；也正是从那时起，一场男人气概耐力赛也就拉开序幕了。 ”says a friend.“Its a macho marathos from third grade up,when you start butting each other in the stomach.“另一位朋友补充道：“最重要的是你
19、得尽快学会隐藏自己的感情。永远都不要说我害怕。 “The thing is ,“adds another friend,“you learn early on to hide what you feel.Its never safe to say,Im scared.我女朋友常问我为什么总是避而不谈自己的感觉，我想原因可能就在这儿。My girlfriend asks me why I dont talk more about what Im feeling.不过，现在好一些了，但真正谈论起来，还是不太自然。 ”Ive gotten better at it,but it will never
20、 come naturally.“要了解男人在孩提时代所吸取的教训如何影响他们长大之后的行为，你完全没有必要成为一名精神病学家，因为这并不难。You dont need to be a shrink to see how the lessons boys learn affect their behavior as men.现在，男人越来越多地被要求应该敏感一些。殊不知， “敏感” 正是男人最惧怕的字眼。Men are being asked,more and more,to show sensitivity,but they dread the very word.虽然他们每天都要为自己日益
21、不稳定的工作环境而挣扎、奋斗，却不愿意承认自己处境艰难。They struggle to build their increasingly uncertain work lives but will deny theyre in trouble.虽然他们也需要抚爱、安慰和帮助，却不知道如何向别人提及。他们向所有人，包括他们钟爱的人，隐藏自己的软弱和恐惧。They want love,affection,and support but dont know how to ask for them.They hide their weaknesses and fears from all,even
22、those they care for.看到别人陷入麻烦之中，他们也已习惯了小心翼翼地不去干涉。实际上，他们依然害怕别人指责自己“怪里怪气” 。Theyve learned to be wary of intervening when they see others in trouble.They often still balk at being stigmatized as weird.有的男人由于受到某些事件 如失去工作、妻子或情人 的震撼而开始变得敏感。Some men get shocked into sensitivity-when they lose their jobs,the
23、ir wives,or their lovers.有的男人则通过和睦的婚姻生活或通过自己的孩子学会了敏感。Others learn it through a strong marriage,or through their own children.到什么时候男孩子们从彼此身上学到的东西才能比从曲线球游戏中学到的东西多呢？事实上，男子汉文化要发展到这一步可能还需要相当长的一段时间。It may be a long whild,however,before male culture evolves to the point that boys can learn more from one an
24、other than how to hit curve balls.上个月，我遛狗时经过我家附近的儿童游乐场，看到三个男孩正把一个男孩围在中间，一边笑着，一边推搡那个男孩。Last month,walking my dog past the playground near my house,I saw three boys encircling a fourth,laughing and pushing him.被围在中间的孩子很瘦小，衣服已被那三个孩子弄得凌乱不堪，脸上也显出害怕的神情。He was skinny and rumpled,and he looked frightened.一个
25、男孩跪在他的身后，另一个则从前面推搡他（这是以前所有男孩都熟悉的把戏） ，那个瘦小的男孩便向后摔倒在地。One boy knelt behind him while another pushed him from the front,a trick familiar to any former boy.He fell backward.其他三个男孩跑开后，那孩子从地上站起来，拍了拍胳膊肘上的土，然后向秋千走去。When the others ran off,he brushed the dirt off his elbows and walked toward the swings.男孩的眼里
26、含着泪，但看得出他在使劲控制自己不让泪水流出来。His eyes were moist and he was wstruggling for control.“我隔着钢丝网眼栅栏对他说：“嗨，你没事吧？ ”Hi,“I said through the chain-link fence.“How ya doing?“没事， ”那男孩一边飞快地说着，一边小腿用劲往地上一蹬，荡起了秋千。“Fine,“he said quickly,Kicking his legs out and beginning his swing. 父亲、儿子和我（美）沃尔特哈林顿父亲还是我孩提记得的模样：脸色黑里透红，目光炯
27、炯有神。一头浓发更使他仪表堂堂。不过，他现在比过去温和耐心多了。当初可不。也不知道是谁起了变化，是他还是我？My father still looks remarkably like I remember him when I was growing up: hair full, body trim, face tanned, eyes sharp. Whats different is his gentleness and patience. I had remembered neither as a boy, and I wondered which of us had changed.
28、我和儿子马修乘飞机去亚利桑那看望父亲，六十七岁的父亲调好吉他给孙子弹奏。知道“哦，我想有个个家，野牛在它周围溜达”这首歌吗？My son Matthew and I had flown to Arizona for a visit, and his 67-year-old grandfather was tuning up his guitar to play for the boy. “You know Oh, Give Me a Home Where the Buffalo Roam?” my father asked.那当儿，四岁的马修一直在沙发上蹦跳，偷偷乱拨他不该碰的吉他，口里还絮絮
29、叨叨个没完。All the while, four-year-old Matthew was bouncing on the couch, furtively strumming the guitar he wasnt supposed to touch and talking incessantly.我和父亲曾格格不入，剑拔弩张。那是成长时期的儿子与父亲常有的“敌对“。我们咋咋呼呼的比赛、我们的衣着、我的信仰，以及我处的朋友，都为父亲所不屑。现在我还清楚地记得，孩提时，有一天我突然意识到，我和父亲不一样，我也不必证明我们不一样。My father and I were once at gre
30、at odds. We went through all the classic resentful and rebellious teen stuff: shouting matches, my weird friends, clothes and beliefs. I still vividly recall the revelation that finally came to me one day that I was not my father, and that I could stop trying to prove I wasnt.孩提时父亲常不在家。他是个送奶工，每周工作七天
31、。即便外出，他也是个缺席监工。我们在家犯的错误被一一记着，晚上回家他再找我们算帐，但却很少遭责骂或吓唬。When I was a boy, my father wasnt around much. He worked seven days a week as a milkman. But even at work he was the task-master in absentia. Infractions were added up, and at night he dispensed punishment, though rarely beyond a threatening voice
32、or a scolding finger.那时，我认为，作为男子汉，我得勇敢地面对他，哪怕是吃拳头。有一次，我和几个朋友把学校停车场的栅栏埋在柴堆里，准备用来烧一年一度的篝火，庆祝放假。I believed that manhood required that I stand up to him, even if it meant fists. One day some friends and I buried our high schools parking-lot barriers under the woodpile for the annual home-coming bonfire.
33、我们恨这些栅栏，因为它挡着我们，只有等公共汽车走完之后，我们才能乘自己的车离校。我觉得这恶作剧很好玩，就跟父亲提了此事。可他一点也不觉得好玩，命我立即跟他一块去把栅栏扒出来。We hated the things because they kept us from leaving school in our cars until after the buses had left. I thought the prank was pretty funny, and I mentioned it to my father. He didnt think it was funny, and he o
34、rdered me to go with him to dig the barriers out. 你能想象，对于十六岁的我，当时还有比这更丢脸的吗？我当然不干，我们针锋相对。父亲气极了，那一刻，我意识到考验的时刻到了。Can you imagine anything more humiliating at age 16? I refused, and we stood toe to toe. Dad was in a rage, and I thought for an instant that the test had come.可他却摇摇头平静地走了。第二天朋友告诉我篝火庆祝会上看见我的
35、父亲了。他当着几百个孩子的面爬上柴堆，扒出埋在里面的栅栏后走了。他从来没跟我提及此事，至今没有提过。But then he shook his head and calmly walked away. The next day my friends told me that they had seen him at the bonfire celebration. Hed climbed into the woodpile in front of hundreds of kids, pulled out the barriers and left. He never mentioned it
36、to me. He still hasnt. 尽管我们格格不入，但我从不怀疑父亲很爱我，这便是连接我们的纽带。当然也有不少温馨的记忆-我们一同坐在沙发上看电视；一块在伊利诺洲克里特的碎石小道上散步；夕阳中一起唱着红河谷驱车回家。Despite our father-son struggles, I never doubted my fathers love, which was our lifeline through some pretty rough times. There are plenty of warm memories he and I on the couch watchin
37、g TV together, walking a gravel road in Crete, Ill. , as dusk, riding home in a car, singing “Red River Valley.” 父亲从不正面赞扬我；还常常对我冷嘲热讽，却从中透露着对我的自豪以及对我的成功的喜悦。父亲粗鲁、朴实。爱戏弄人，可我从这戏弄中感受到深厚的父爱。长大了些以后，我开始明白这是男人为避免脆弱而表达爱的方式。我也学着他的样，想说“我爱你“时，却说他的鼻子太大或者领带太难看。He had this way of smiling at me, this way of tossing
38、a backhanded compliment, letting me know he was prod of me and my achievements. He was a rugged teaser, and it was during his teasing that I always sensed his great, unspoken love. When I was older, I would understand that this is how many men show affection without acknowledging vulnerability. And
39、I imitated his way of saying “I love you” by telling him his nose was too big or his ties too ugly.父亲似乎从不搂抱我、亲吻我。可星期天早晨挤进他的被窝，偎在他怀里睡着时的温暖感觉，我至尽记忆犹新。可是男人，即便是小男人也不搂搂抱抱。男人握手！But I cant recall a time my father hugged or hissed me or said he loved me. I remember snuggling next to him on Sunday mornings.
40、I remember the strong, warm feeling of dozing off in his arms. But men, even little men, did not kiss or hug; they shook hands.上大学时每次有家返校时，我特别想拥抱父亲，但还是抑制住了。我拥抱母亲，而只与父亲握手！There were times much later when I would be going back to college, times when I wanted so badly to hug him. But the muscles wouldn
41、t move with the emotion. I hugged my mother. I shook hands with my father.父亲常说， “男人重要的不在说而在做。 “语言和感情靠不住。他每天上班，他护着我，他教我辨别真伪，他培养我坚定的信念，坚强我的性格。这便是我们的契约，我们的屏障。“Its not what a man says, but what he does that counts,” he would say. Words and emotions were suspect. He went to work every day, he protected m
42、e, he taught me right from wrong, he made me tough in mind and spirit. It was our bond. It was our barrier.有了儿子以后我努力避免父亲的错误，对马修很亲昵。这是男子气概的崭新表现方式。如今亲善的脸孔已取代了父亲那个时代严厉的脸孔。可是，父子间的亲善并不能避免成长期儿子与父亲之间的矛盾。我只希望我和儿子马修的亲昵与快乐有助于我们在今后的困难岁月中努力协同，共度难关。Ive tried not to repeat what I saw as my fathers mistake. Matthe
43、w and I cuddle and kiss good-bye. This is the new masculinity, and its as common today as the old masculinity of my fathers day. But, honestly, I dont believe that in the end the new masculinity will prevent the growing-up conflicts between fathers and sons. All I hope is that Matthew and I build so
44、me repository of unconscious joy so that it will remain a lifeline between us through the rough times ahead.我是在有了儿子以后才开始思考父子间的关系，开始深刻理解了自己的父亲。It was only after having a boy of my own that I began to think a lot about the relationship between fathers and sons and to see and to understand my own fathe
45、r with remarkable clarity.所有男人都会抱怨自己的父亲缺乏耐心。记得六岁时，一个阴雨天，父亲在给祖母盖屋顶。这活儿晴天都有危险，何况雨天？我想帮忙，他却极不耐烦地把我推到一边，我不干，结果屁股挨了一顿 2。多少年过去了，每想到此事他就窃笑，可我一点不觉有什么好笑。If there is a universal complaint from men about their fathers, it is that their dads lacked patience. I remember one rainy day when I was about six and my
46、father was putting a new roof on his mothers house, a dangerous job when its dry, much less wet. I wanted to help. He was impatient and said no. I made a scene and got the only spanking I can recall. He had chuckled at that memory many times over the years, but I never saw the humor.如今每当马修吵着要帮我刷墙，帮我
47、锯后院的枯树，我拼命忍住性子时，才明白父亲当年眼睛流露的含义。可我为此跟父亲呕了三十年气呢！有了类似经历以后我才理解了父亲的苦心。而今，儿子也许正因为此而生我的气呢。Only now that Ive struggled to find patience in myself when Matthew insists he help me paint the house or saw down dead trees in the back yard am I able to see that day through my fathers eyes. Whod have guessed Id be
48、 angry with my father for 30 years, until I relived similar experiences with my own son, who, I suppose, is angry now with me.十几岁时我认为自己和父亲截然不同，现在才发现自己很像父亲：一样的幽默，一样的固执，甚至一样的声音。我并不以为这种相似后和称心，可我生成如此。More surprisingly, contrary to my teen-age conviction that I wasnt at all like my father, I have come to
49、 the greater realization. I am very much like him. We share the same sense of humor, same stubbornness, same voice even. Although I didnt always see these similarities as desirable, I have grown into them, come to like them.比方说父亲接电话时总是口音很夸张第一个音节，吞掉了第二个音节。给我打电话，你会发现我也和老爸一样， “哈罗！” ，对自己的口音还感觉良好。My father, for instance, has this way of answering the phone. “Hellll o,” he says, putting a heavy accent on the first syllable and snapping the “o” short. Call me today and youll hear “Hellll o,” just like th
