1、文章结构,Para.1 What type of charity event did you take part in ? When and where was this activity held? Why was this activity held ?,On, I took part in, which was held by to,On, I took part in, which was held byto, a charity funfair, a 10km walkathon, ice bucket challenge, the Student Union, raise mone
2、y / funds to help: starving people in remote mountain villages poor elderly people in our city victims who suffered huge losses in the disastrous earthquake ,Para.2 Describe the details of the charity event. Take a charity funfair as an example. Supposing you are the organizer, what did youprepare f
3、or the event?What are you worried before the fair ? How did the stalls attract the students?What can you buy from the stalls ? Was the event enjoyable for you ?Was it successful in raising money? What will you do to help those in need with the collectedmoney?,the portrait-sketching stall, food stall
4、, karaoke stall,In onlyhours the donations were up to overyuan.,The fair was crowded with people enjoying themselves in the warm autumn sunshine.,We want to purchase more books for the library, equipment for the science labs, computers for IT classes and to finance more school trips.,I hope I can tr
5、y my best to help the poor students to relieve them of financial burden.,Para.3 Describe your feelings of the charity event. What did you learn from this event ? Why is this event meaningful ?,Helping others is helping ourselves.Your help will make a difference.Cherish / treasure what you have owned
6、 now.Find the beautiful things in our daily life.Enrich students school life.Improve students ability to organize an activity.Develop students team spirit.,I am delighted and touched to see the enthusiasm and selflessness displayed by our schoolmates whose efforts made this event a great success.,Wh
7、at a beautiful age when we are enjoying our golden time and dreaming of our brighter future. However,It seems so wrong for us to have lots of food while many people in the world are starving.,Everyone needs help and everyone can help others. Helping others brings good feelings both to the giver and
8、the receiver.,Its easy for everyone of us to help those who are in need of us. Our enthusiasm, our both hands can help others; our smile, our sincerity can move others.,In our everyday lives, we may come across so many difficulties. If others lend us a hand, it will be easier for us to solve the pro
9、blems. Similarly, helping others brings happiness that you cant imagine. A smile or thank you from the person you help will be the best reward.,I will never forget this winter day, on which the brilliant sunshine and the pleasant atmosphere in the school warmed my heart.,拼写 人称代词不一致 时态前后一致性 句式缺乏变化 从句
10、用陈述语气 从句用法不正确 用词不够准确 语句意思表达重复 语句表达缺乏意义 逻辑关系不成立,中英文表达差异性 结构不够清晰 开头不够简洁明了 记叙太过简单 感悟阐述不够 文章立意,Theres no doubt that many people are still in trouble now. Some people suffered from the flood, some people suffered from the earthquake and some people suffered from the famine. They all need our help to live
11、 better. We should take action to help the people who need our help.,开头不够简洁明了,As we all know, there are more and more countries in danger. And more and more schools hold the activities such as a charity funfair, a 24-hour sponsored fast, walkathon in order to raise money from them.,开头不够简洁明了,I think
12、the charity funfair was very meaningful. Everybody should help others.,感悟不够深入,That day is a sunny day. Our school held a charity funfair at the playground. Everyone donate their gifts to sell. We have many things such as books, models and some foods. The special thing we sold is a kind of mixture ta
13、sty drink. They are many kinds of juices, some milk and a little alcohol in it. The drink sells well.,时态前后不一致 句式缺乏变化（都是简单句）,That day is a sunny day. Our school held a charity funfair at the playground.,Our school held a charity funfair on the playground on a sunny day.,Everyone donate their gifts to
14、 sell. We have many things such as books, models and some foods. The special thing we sold is a kind of mixture tasty drink. There are many kinds of juices, some milk and a little alcohol in it. The drink sells well.,Everyone donated something to sell, such as books, models and food. Among them a sp
15、ecial mixed drink containing juice, milk and a little wine sold well as the unique and good flavor catered for the students who always liked to try new things.,The proceeds of the day came to over 900 yuan. We were astonished at the total.,Last month, I took part in a charity funfair in Nanhui. Our
16、purpose was to help the poor who were starving in developing countries.,We wanted to raise money for the poor people who were living in the remote villages.All of the students were so excited that they began to prepare for the funfair before the funfair.,人称代词不一致,Colorful signs, different goods attra
17、cted many students to our playground. Our school holds a fair every year to help the poor. And every student volunteered to take out their things to sell. There were over 40 stalls at the fair, which was held in aid of the poor.,语句意思表达重复 帮助对象可更具体,Our classs stall was various, too. Not until the funf
18、air came to an end did we stop serving. We sold many kinds of,用词不够准确 语句表达缺乏意义,Although natural disaster hasnt emotion, we are emotional.,中英文表达差异性,Though disaster is heartless, people are in love.,Taking part in such a meaningful event, everyone was moved not only by the terrible surroundings which the poor were suffering but also by the enthusiasm of our schoolmates.,逻辑关系不成立,be shocked at,
